Proud ass-washer’s nation!

The first and the foremost concern of every Iranian girl that I’ve seen who was supposed to go out with a non-Iranian man for the first time, and far ahead of all those cultural differences and language barriers, simply was the fact that they don’t wash their asses!

I suppose the opposite concern holds at the other side of the table, since almost every non-Iranian girl who’s come to my apartment for the first time, wanted to know what the hell the sprinkler is doing in my bathroom!

Our argument is that their asses wouldn’t be clean enough without being washed thoroughly by water and theirs, well, they prefer to leave their asses crappy but their hands clean.

Anyway, the fact that they start to wash or we start to quit is one important indicator of who’s the boss in the relationship!

But how clean is clean enough? According to one of my friends, after you washed, you should be able to hear the squeaking sound when you rub your finger on it! What’s your criterion?

Just a reminder

Dear people,

It’s 21st century. Era of blue tooth and wireless internet and almost every retarded living human being between the age of 6 and 86, knows what the hell the answering machine is!
If you don’t answer the phone, we surly can assume you are either not at home or not able to answer the phone (or you simply don’t want to) and you really don’t have to explain in detail what should we do after the beep in 4 different languages especially since the lady inside your machine is going to explain the same procedure again, right after you finished with yours.

Thank you

Revelations of the very last remaining brain cell, as promised

When a woman responds “Great” to an ordinary “How are doing” question for a couple of days in a row, there’s either a romantic affair or a sexual adventure involved. Girls can not feel great in a whole seven days of a week, if they’re not in love or getting laid!

For guys, it could be simply due their favorite soccer team being in a good shape, or two consecutive strait-flush in a row, in last night’s poker

Let’s be unpatriotic for a change!

I’m sick and tired of hearing about our troops in Afghanistan and their bravery and all those sacrifices they make on a daily bases!

Why the hell anyone anywhere wants to talk about anything in public involving our troops, should begin the sentence with raving about their selflessness?!

Dear folks, we’re not talking about “medecins sans frontiers”, we are talking about soldiers. They are soldiers and soldiers do not make sacrifice! In the best case scenario, they do their jobs! They are not men and women performing a compulsory military service, even if that was the case still couldn’t be qualified as sacrifice, they have been employed by the government to fight like any other employee doing any other job. Of course theirs is more dangerous than most of the jobs, but that’s simply their job description! They’re getting paid to work in dangerous situation. That’s why they carry a gun. That’s why they dress like bushes and trees and they don’t do it for the sake of humanity, they do that in exchange of money.

So please stop saying “They’re fighting for Canada”, cause the most perilous threats all around Canada are thunder storm and polar bears! and Global warming of course!

And enough with “They are helping people in Afghanistan”, cause soldiers do not decide where to go and what to do! That’s the definition of a good soldier. They’re helping people in Afghanistan, simply because they’ve been ordered to do so, exactly the same way they’re protecting a government of coup against a democratically elected president in Haiti!

If someone registered for army in the time of peace, either the person is naively dreaming about playing War-game!, for which to see a real battle field would be a suitable therapy, or he likes an adventurous and well-paid job or easily he hasn’t got any other options but to be a soldier and in either case, I can not admire him more than I admire any another person, performing any other service to society.

You know who I do admire? Those who leave their well-paid jobs to work for “Doctors or engineers without borders”, those who go to poor countries to fight against human trafficking, AIDS, Malaria, women being raped and children being abused. Those who tie themselves to trees, hinder the Whale hunting ships, trying their ass off to save the planet that does not only belong to us humans! That’s what I call sacrifice. Soldiers…not really!