Once, there was an adorable German movie called “Bella Martha”. A simple romantic comedy/drama, which was anything but conventional. After all, when one combines romance, cuisine and good cinematography, it would be really inappropriate for the critical mind to function critically! Although apart from "Departed" and that TV series "Office", I don’t have any recollection of a good American remake of anything whatsoever (and I’m absolutely certain that a good number of people would even question those only examples I represented), I went to the theatre to watch “No Reservation”; the Hollywood remake of the German movie; with the minimum expectation and mostly to observe the possible socio-cultural gap between these two versions. But man! is it possible to watch this shit without every brain cell of yours would cordially wish to exchange its position with a rectum cell of a dying old man, even with one, badly damaged by hemorrhoid!
Though they even repeated a good portion of the dialogues, it was kind of masochistically amusing to see how seriously you can degrade a movie, just by Hollywoodizing it! Meaning, stripping it away from any profundity, injecting some disgraceful, tasteless humor and sentimental crap and removing almost all the subtleties, nuances and sophistication that the original version was so rich of.
In fact, there’s a command in Photoshop that does exactly what writer and director of this movie have achieved to do and it is called “Flatten Layers!”
Back to the movie, apart from the disgustingly superficial additional scenes and story lines, even those scenes which were supposed to be the exact replicate, were nothing but some hollow, flat and badly-made versions of a thoughtful and delicious masterpiece.
Where one could even cry for Martha quite frequently, I seriously doubt that anyone would feel any sympathy for her generic version, “Kate” (or whatever the hell the untalented goddess, "Catherine Zetha Jones" was pathetically trying to portray). Replace the adorable “Lina” with the annoying, smart-mouth "Zoe" and the charming “Mario” with Mr. so-full-of-himself and voila, you’ll have the tasteless, bland, crime-against-cinema, “No Reservation”.
Just as an amuses-bouche, in the German version, Martha lives in a one bedroom apartment (as any normal single person who’s not a CEO would do) and expectedly, when she is forced to take care of her niece, she offers her room to the little girl and start sleeping on the couch. I really could not understand why a single woman in
And by the way, an Italian chef with a lively soul who hums Italian songs when he cooks is absolutely adorable. An American who plays loud Pavarotti in a busy kitchen in
Final word, unless one wants to make the same painful socio-cultural experiment, I seriously recommend avoiding this movie at any cost and instead, I absolutely suggest renting the fantastic original German version. After all, reading subtitles for two hours is better than letting your intellect to be insulted for the same amount of time, isn’t it?
