Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Top 10 Movies of 2006 According to me!

Some of them have links to my reviews...Click on the title to read them if you like...


10. Stranger than fiction

A brilliant comedy, Zach Helm’s thoughtful, deliciously funny and somehow bitter tale of an ordinary man whose lethargic life is seriously bothered by a strange narrative voice which bizarrely follows him around. Apart from some great performances by Will Farrell, Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson, the movie is a true pleasure to watch. It’s simply amazing. As simple as the movie itself.


9. V for Vendetta

James McTeigue’s fantastic fantasy, a sharply political comic strip about a phantom-type outlaw who fights the authority of the intrusive, corrupted government of Britain, in a dark, depressing Orwellian ambience in the near future. One of the most pleasing experiences I have ever had in the movie theatre to say the least.


8. The last king of Scotland

The entertaining tale of a fictional Scottish doctor and Idi Amin’s personal physician as a backdrop for telling the true story of Uganda’s brutal yet charming dictator. Forest Whitaker’s mind-blowing performance as general Amin, is surely worthy an Oscar this year.


7. Volver

To me, Pedro Almodovar’s best work to date, a charming, nostalgic and intimate story about women in general and in particular, an ode to femininity.


6. Little miss Sunshine

One of the smartest comedies I’ve ever seen, it’s the story of a dysfunctional family and their road trip to get their little girl to a disgusting American idol-type beauty contest for kids.


5. Departed

Another miraculous movie from one the greatest filmmakers of all time, Martin Scorsese. A gangster movie about a Boston-based Irish gang that is as much a pleasure to watch as it is a brilliant art work.


4. Letters from Iwo Jima

Clint Eastwood’s the other half of the Iwo Jima’s story, this time, from the eyes of the Japanese who were defending the Island. Apart from the masterfully executed war scenes, this movie is much more than just another brilliant war movie. A great film, not to be missed.


Paul Greengrass’s masterpiece about the September eleventh’s fourth hijacked plane that crashed near Pittsburg. Apart from Sean Penn’s mind-blowing short film, united 93 is simply the best movie that anyone could possibly make about this subject.


I said whatever I could have said about this movie however, I doubt that I succeeded to reveal even a fraction of how good this film actually is. I went to see Pan’s Labyrinth with unbelievably elevated expectations, which usually is a recipe for disappointment, but Del Toro almost humiliated my expectations as being too modest. I wish I was an octopus so I could raise my all eight thumbs up instead of two, imagining that octopuses have thumbs, to begin with.


and finally...the best movie of the year...

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Well, do you really think that I give the first spot to anything other than Pan’s Labyrinth?

Best movie of the year : PAN’S LABYRINTH





Saturday, January 20, 2007

Pan’s Labyrinth…Perfection well defined


If there’s only one day in the whole year that you want to relax and not bother yourself with planning stuff, that would be your Birthday but normally, when you don’t plan something ahead, you dramatically increase the chance of having a plain, unmemorable birthday which ironically is in full contrast with what a birthday is supposed to be, the most special day of the year.

But last night, my 31st birthday was strangely unforgettable

For months, I was impatiently waiting for the latest film of Guillermo Del Toro, Pan’s Labyrinth, to be screened in Montreal. To my big surprise, as I checked the website for the upcoming movies, I realized that it was supposed to be screened, exactly on my birthday. Therefore, I dearly took it as both my birthday surprise and my mysterious birthday gift.

To be honest, I can hardly remember any better gift, anyone has ever given to me nor anything I can imagine anyone ever will. It was 112 minutes of pure perfection in every possible aspect imaginable. One of the best stories, cinematography’s, acting’s, visual effects and I can go on and on forever, combined with something else from out of this world, a well-balanced combination of all human emotions at their best, to say the least.

Pan’s Labyrinth or “El Laberinto del Fauno”, is the story of a girl, Ofelia (played by Ivana Baquero) who travels with her pregnant mother to a mill-house in northern Spain’s woodlands, to settle with her mother’s new husband, Captain Vidal (played marvelously by Sergi Lopez), a precise, dedicated and viciously brutal fascist officer who’s trying to crush the last remains of resistance to General Franco and his extreme-right dictatorial regime.

Ofelia, guided by a fairy-type creature, enters a labyrinth and is told by a faun that she might be the lost princes of the underworld and should prove herself in series of bizarre missions.

The rest of the story is a spectacular polyphony of her quest in the fantasy land, and the real world’s grim and atrocious brutality of the civil war, in 1944’s Spain.

Del Toro masterfully depicts how the grisly realities of the real world with all its nauseating ghastliness leer and leek to the children’s pure fantasies and transform their dreams from beautiful fairy tales to a tense and frightful world and the way children enthusiastically plunge as deep as possible into their imaginations just to get rid of the cruelty of the environment, surrouding them. He portrays how the tragedy of war imposes an unbearable weight on children’s shoulders, to the point that they innocently carry this unfair burden of responsibilities with themselves, even in their most personal fables. However, he insists that we, humans, in our lowest, are able to create such a ferociously frightening environment that no monster in any imaginative world could ever replicate.

Among thousands of mind-blowing subtleties of this film, I really enjoyed the way Del Toro represents Ofelia’s critical age, being on the verge of puberty, by occasionally letting her show of a little bit of feminine charm, while perfectly preserves her innocence as a child.

The film, both the illustration of the fairyland and the depiction of the real world’s civil war, has been executed so brilliantly, meticulously and eloquently that it seems impossible to alter any element of this movie and come up with a better film than what Pan’s labyrinth is and that’s what I call a shear Perfection.

To me, THE best film of the year, an instant classic and one of the top ten movies of all time.

Thanks Gillermo for this magnificent birthday present.



Friday, January 19, 2007

Time-Space

I’m amazed that the theory of general relativity was proposed by a German who was living in Switzerland!

The fact that time and space are not two separate entities, should have been as plain as a Gerard Depardieu’s nose on his face for anybody who was living in Montreal!

As someone who lives in this city, I can see and feel the expansion and contraction of space with time and vise versa and I don’t need any revelation or elaborate experiment to realize it!

For example, the nearest grocery store to my apartment, in a human-style weather (like in mid-may, or mid-September) is literally right on the corner. It would take me like a blink to go there, get something and come back. But in -30 with wind-chill (like what we had last night), the same distance would expand to almost eternity! You can walk and walk and walk and never get there. I mean seriously, somewhere along the path, you might even succeed convincing yourself to give up and return home by telling, “Oh, Fuck it! Why do I need milk in the first place; I’m not a little cow for god’s sake”.

Five minutes later, being defrosted at home, bearing the cereal box’s blaming regard, I remember how in the mid-spring, I would say “do you really want to take a bus to St-Laurent? Why can’t we just walk?!” and I truly regret why the Einstein’s theory of relativity is not Tremblay’s or DesJardin’s theory!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The disappointment of an infertile story

After a painfully long waiting, I finally got to see the latest work of Alfonso Cuaron, Children of men, a promising sci-fi about a time in the near future, 2027 exactly, where for some unknown reasons, the man kind has lost the ability to reproduce. The rest is the quest of the movie’s protagonist, played by Clive Owen, to get the only pregnant woman in the world to the apparently safe hands of a vaguely described group of scientists called “The human Project”, amidst all the chaos and disorder cause by this catastrophic pandemic of infertility.

Children of men powerfully starts, acceptably mediocre continues and pathetically poor finishes. Despite the brilliance of the idea behind the story, the scenario is so incredibly badly done that it even overshadows one of the best cinematography of the modern cinema. It is indeed twice upsetting since the same idea, had it been developed more eloquently, it could have been one of the best science fiction of the recent years.

Having said those, I should also mention that it is not a bad film at all. Even carrying the weight of this wretched screenplay, it is still considerably better than most of the Hollywood’s productions, by all means. All the disappointments, in fact, arises form the legitimately elevated expectations from such a genius as Alfonso Cuaron. If he only stick with the well written stories like Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban or Y tu mama tambien and do not waste his abundant talent and technique and his potentials on such a pitiful screenplay, he could truly make magic!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

The last king of Scotland

The Last King of Scotland is the story of a young Scottish, recently graduated medical doctor who chooses Uganda, utterly by chance, to go and help the poor and ends up being the personal physician and the advisor to the charismatic and, at the time, promising leader of Uganda, Idi Amin!

Kevin Macdonald, based on Giles Foden's award winning novel, utilizes this intriguing fictional tale to, alongside, unravel the true story of one the Africa’s most brutal yet entertaining tyrant, General Amin who has been played astonishingly good by brilliant Forest Whitaker. In fact he is so successful in depicting the seemingly humble but mysterious and multi-layered character of Amin that I would be amazed if I don’t see his name in the list of the candidates for the Best supporting actor, in this year’s academy awards.

The last king of Scotland is a stylish and visually stunning movie and it has the right dose of almost everything, from suspense and action to romance and history. The result is a film which is informative but not boring and brutal but not impossible to watch. In one word, it’s a job well-done!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A homage to femininity

Although I’m a big fan of extravaganza in cinema, whether it involves a complicated, multi-layered story like Eyes wide shut or a brilliant camera working and technical indulgence like Munich, but I can’t hide my deep appreciation for anything brutally minimal yet widely expressive, like one of Hirschfeld's caricatures or Pedro Almodovar’s recent masterpiece, Volver.

I’m neither capable nor willing to analyze Volver, but there are some points that I really like to talk about.

First of all, it is to me, his best movie so far. Although some might argue that but it is Penelope Cruz’s best performance to date and I don’t think there would be Any disagreement in that regard;

Volver, like most of previous works of Almodovar is visually enchanting and women, and particularly mothers, play a key role in it. But what is particular to this movie is the exaggerated depth of this central role and the fact that even a few men who exist in the plot are far from good! They are irritatingly nasty or in the best case, completely neutral and excessively useless! and although I don’t quite share his negative view towards men, but I can not possibly hide my deep appreciation for the fantastic image he portrays of women, which is nothing less than a cult-like worshiping ceremony.


In this movie, unlike most of the stereotype portrayal of women, they are seriously independent, impressively in control and totally capable of managing almost impossible situations when they have to. They don’t scream, they don’t freak out or runaway and most importantly, they are absolutely not those typical irrationally-emotional creatures we’ve been culturally trained to envisage them. In contrary, here, one can hardly stop noticing their capacity to suppress their emotions when they need to make a fast yet vital rational decision, very much like real women in the real life.

Another impressive aspect of the movie to me, was Almodovar’s brilliant success to reach the inner and deeper layers of female beauty.

Obviously, a woman has an outer layer of visual beauty which is not so hard to notice but there is a deeper layer which reveals itself as one gets more intimate. The first touch, the first kiss, the first sex, each of the steps opens up a whole dimension of beauty that later on, can be visualized even by the eyes, or in this case by the lens.

I have to admit that I’d never been attracted to Penelope Cruz nor I had ever found her sexy or charming, but during this movie and while Almodovar’s camera is literally making love to her by exploring her forbidden angles and her intimate gestures, it is almost impossible not to notice her exquisite beauty. I may say, he more or less has done to her, what Kubrick did to Nicole Kidman in eyes wide shut.

Apart from that, her stunning performance is not something that can be easily neglected. Also the fact that she speaks in her own language and not with her awkward Spanish accent makes her more attractive and gives her dramatically more self confidence to glow on the scene like never before.

Finally, this emotionally rich and genuinely touching movie, though sometimes too feministic for me, is something to be watched, enjoyed and adored, by all means. A true homage to femininity.

Monday, January 01, 2007

morning tea

Sometimes,
it’s too hard to wake from a dream,

when its taste,
lingers in your mouth
so long,

that your toothpaste doesn’t taste the same
and your morning tea,
gets this wild, forgotten flavor,
for a moment,

when the grass you slept on,
in your dream,
is so fragrant that when you wake,
for a moment,
you can smell it on your pillow,

and you wonder,
for a moment,
why everything
is so gorgeously Green
for a moment,

when the kiss is so sweet,
that when you wash your face,
for a moment
your regretful eyes,
with an inexplicable anger,
and a childish grudge,
follow the water,
who’s washed away the taste of the kiss
from your lips
down to the drain,

when the smoothness of the skin,
under your soft, feathery touch
has spoiled your hands so much,
that the roughness of your wet, silk scarf,
can seriously hurt your hand….
and sometimes it does,
for a moment,

it’s too hard to wake,

not harder than keep up, for sure,
with the fucking alarm of the cell phone,
6:30 sharp, on a cold snowy Sunday,
that passes through your pillow
you’re desperately pressing on your face!

and neglecting the begging of your poor bladder,
bursting with champagne and scotch,

but harder than most of things
in life,
which are harder
than living,

though waking up
is the worst part of a dream,
but the best part of being awake,
is you can end up,
with a dream,
Sometimes…

and when the dream’s gone,
in a moment,
life would be so darn great
again,

Sometimes,

Saturday, December 30, 2006

A sad day for humanity!

It was hard to believe, even though we all had heard the court’s verdict.

After the long, tedious and unfinished trial of Milosevic, I was expecting a lengthy process of appeals and re-appeals, but today, the news was short and shocking. “Saddam has been executed”

Although I’m firmly against the capital punishment, even for such a ruthless dictator like Saddam, it’s genuinely hard to feel sympathy for one of the darkest figures in the modern history. Even harder for us, Iranians, who have no shortage of first-hand experiences of his merciless killing machine.

I’m not sad that he’s been executed. I’m angry. I’m furious. Angry because he was sentenced to death for a minor fraction of what he was truly responsible for. Because the history was denied from everything he knew and was buried with him forever. Because he died before talking about all who supported him for years, from United Stated and European countries to Russia and Arab leaders of the region, with money, intelligence, weapons, and sadly, by providing him the materials that enabled him to put forward his deadly chemical and biological program.

He died before he was given enough time to think about what he had done to his people, to Iranians and to Kuwaitis and to be honest, death by hanging was a gift to Saddam that relieved him from unquestionable years of pondering in prison. The gift, he was not courageous enough to give himself, the way Hitler and Goebbels generously indulged themselves with.

The day, I watched Saddam’s being brutally humiliated on TV, was one of the best days of my life. The day he got executed, I just feel shocked and betrayed.

He definitively deserved to die, but the humanity deserved much more than that.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

This is priceless!

I love Scandinavians...I really do.

Just think about what happened in United States over a millisecond exposure of Janet Jackson’s breasts and you’re going to have the idea, how far ahead these Danish people are.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Singing in the rain!

I just watched a brilliant movie. I love when I watch a nice movie all alone. When I don’t have to talk to anybody. Where I can simply avoid some useless small talks and my sometimes-quite-pretentious analysis and critics and I can just keep the mood, as long as I want.

This month, I didn’t buy the metro pass and I remembered that I just used my last bus ticket, this morning as was commuting to work.

When you don’t have change or ticket, there’s no way around but walking home. I was not even sure I didn’t have change but even if I did, I was perfectly sure that I wouldn’t spend it on a ticket. Although only today, I’d spend twenty dollars on a heavenly “All you can eat Sushi” lunch, ten dollars for a delicious Rum and chocolate cake and a hot earl grey tea while I was reading my book and waiting for the movie to begin, sixty five dollars on a safety boots that I’m sure I’m never going to use and since I’m still unashamedly using my student card to get the discount, ten dollars for the movie ticket, I was not willing to pay two dollars and fifty cents for the bus ticket or I was just using this inexplicable stinginess to avoid another boring bus ride and enjoy walking in this beautiful, unexpectedly lovely night.

I called my friend to tell him what a fantastic movie I just watched and persuade him to go and see it, or maybe just to see how he feels today. Unlike last night, he was just fine.

I hung up the phone. Kept on smiling, I continued walking. It was nice. Not by Montréal’s standards nice! It was really warm and pleasant. Maybe if I was living in California, I would take this for granted but any Montrealers knows that a warm mid-November night is not something to be missed.

I hate getting wet. I just hate it like a big spoiled cat, but I took off my hat, and bring down my umbrella to enjoy getting wet. As I was twirling my umbrella and deliberately walking into the puddles, I saw my self as Gene Kelly in Singing in the rain. Only that I was not singing in the rain and I was not dancing either. I was just walking in the rain. I was just consciously and joyfully walking in the rain. Just walking.

The only possible way that I can think of to make this magnificent night any better, was if I was in love. Or maybe not. At least now, I have something to fancy about. FANCY! Did I mention that I really do adore using British words?

A funny one

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Third Plan!

As the world’s concerns about Iran’s nuclear program are on the rise, there is an important question to be answered. Is Iran truly looking for nuclear technology for peaceful purposes, like generating electricity, or the ultimate goal behind this mysterious program is nothing but the good old nuclear bomb, as the world suspects? And if they really are moving toward becoming a nuclear state, should the international community, lead by the United States, stop them at any cost, or it is better to let them have the bomb under certain conditions?

The irritating point about the media coverage of the subject so far, has been the blatant destitute of any collateral thinking. Analyzing the possibilities within a rigid framework, overlooking the likelihood of the existence of a third or even more answers to the same question and simply repeating the worn-out talking points again and again, is media’s chronic disease that although is not uniquely confined to this particular case but has been vividly manifested here, to say the least.

As an example for other conceivable scenarios, what if Iranians are not looking for the peaceful nuclear technology, as one may suspect, but they are not looking for the bomb either? What if they are perfectly aware that the geopolitics of the region would not give them the time they need, which according to the experts would be something between five to ten years, but they also know that the world and especially United States are simply not in the position to dictate something quite drastic like the full abandonment of the plan? What if the pragmatic leaders of Iran, which is one thing they have repeatedly proven to be, are just using the whole nuclear issue as a bully for the international community to win the best deal possible, in return to stop the entire process or to reduce it to a fairly less-ambitious program?

Let’s explore first, why the situation of Iran is different and a nuclear Iran is downright out of the question and then see why the world is simply not in a position to impose the consensus to Iran.

First of all, becoming a nuclear state, if not impossible, is much more complicated for Iran than most people may think it would be. There is a missing link in the common analysis that draws parallel between Iran’s case and those of recently-joint, unwelcome new members of the nuclear club, namely North Korea, India and Pakistan.

In the case of India, due to the enormous geopolitical and economical importance of the country in the international scene, it was almost impossible to prevent her from becoming a nuclear state where as in the case of Iran, though by no mean easy, it would be perfectly within the reach of the Security Council’s permanent members. The case of Pakistan is also undeniably linked to the case of India to the extent that analyzing it outside of this context would be ridiculously absurd. In fact, the world’s intentional disregard to Pakistan nuclear program was a well-directed policy, addressing the incapability of the international community to deter India from developing nuclear capability. In other word, a nuclear Pakistan was a necessity for the region’s balance of power to be restored.

For obvious reasons, not only this argument is not valid in the case of Iran, a nuclear Iran would severely unbalance the power structure of the region hence forces the Security Council to do everything in its disposal to prevent the scenario from happening.

The case of North Korea is an exceptionally odd one, makes it completely incomparable to the one of Iran’s. As much as the strange isolation of North Korea, makes any sort of sanctions ineffective, the vibrant economical ties of Iran to the outside world can easily bring Iran to its knees. The majority of Iran’s revenue comes from exporting oil and apart from United States and Israel, Iran has trading ties with almost the rest of the world which makes Iran rather vulnerable and the sanctions quite effective in this case. Not to mention that Iran has no similarity with the information-black hole called North Korea. Where the world has almost no clue about what’s going on inside that country, it is fairly easy to gather any sort of information about Iran hence prevent the formation of the frightening mysterious vacuum of information like the one that surrounds North Korea.

Considering the fact that Iran’s leadership, has managed to successfully overcome the myriad of crisis it has been faced with so far, it is rather naïve to underestimate their vision to foresee this obvious fact that the world, not only united stated, Europe and Israel but also the Arab leaders of the region, would simply not tolerate a Shiite, non-arab nuclear Iran in the middle east.

It is also unrealistic if one wants to consider that a power plant like the one in Boushehr, with capacity of 1000 MW (almost half of Karoon’s hydraulic power plant),in a country so rich in oil and natural gas reserves, is something that any regime would be ready to pay such a hefty price for. Maybe that is the reason why Iran always finds an excuse to interrupt the negotiations, whenever it is getting close to a deal. In fact, it seems that Iran is absolutely not looking for a way to continue the peaceful nuclear activity, or to open up the nuclear power plant or even to keep up enriching uranium in her soil. So what is the real plan?

It seems that what Iran is really looking for, is to persuade the world that she is dangerous enough to be a threat to the international community, and specially to Israel, and also powerful enough to make any sort of confrontational attempt, a massively expensive adventure. Using the scary image, they could negotiate their way to receive a considerable package of incentives, in a situation where bribing Iran would be the most rational as well as economical option and even in the best case scenario, the only option available for United States and the allies. For that matter, Iran has a lot of strong cards to play with.

Iran’s elaborate ties to the outside world, though an Achilles foot in one way; is a week point for the international community as well. Extensive investments of Europeans and Asians in Iran’s industries as well as in energy sector, creates a considerably complicated dilemma that cannot be solved without an enormous price to be paid. The sanctions imposed by United States which keeps the American companies out of the competition, creates such a delicious feast for the Europeans, Chinese, Korean and even Malaysians that would make the sanction as painful for them as it would be for Iran. Not to forget that Russia, alongside with China, has a profitable monopoly over Iran’s military deals that forces Kremlin to think twice before agreeing to any sort of sanction that could deprive the Russian’s desperately-in-need-of-cash military industry from Iran’s competitor-less! market.

Another strong card in the hand of Iran’s leadership is the fact the country is supplying a good portion of the worlds, and especially India and china’s need to crude oil and natural gas. Replacing this gigantic supplier of energy not only seems to be impossible, the process on the oil prices hence on the world’s economy can be downright disastrous and it the present situation where another major producer, Iraq, is unlikely to be able to reclaim its position in the oil market anytime soon, it’s highly unlikely if India and China with such oil-thirsty economies, would fall for such a risky decision that could bring catastrophic outcomes to their vulnerable economies.

Next card would be Iran’s recently-boosted influence on the region, in Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon and Palestine. Considering the direct involvement of America as well as England in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the proximity of Lebanon and Gaza to Israel, any sort of stimulation introduced by Iran or the groups supported by Iran can lead to dangerous situations that could literally endanger lives of American and British soldiers as well as Israeli’s soldiers and civilians.

Another stronghold of Iran is the calculatedly widely-distributed and well-protected nuclear sites throughout a vast country that turns any military plan into an extremely complicated one, certainly far from a safe and causality-proof mission and totally different to Israel’s spotless air strike on heavily-concentrated and unwisely-unprotected nuclear facilities of Saddam, near Baghdad in 1981.

Last card, but absolutely not least is the fact that Iran’s leadership, as well as almost anybody else in the politics, are perfectly aware of the badly-reduced, overstretched US’s military power. In other word, although America always states that the military option is on the table; both sides know that it’s not really an option to be considered.

Add to this, Iran’s military power. Although obviously not as strong as to be able to withstand United States army, strong enough to inflict serious damages to US’s interests in the region.

The above-mentioned analogy, justifies Iran’s leaders sharp and seemingly irrational rhetoric with regard to Israel, their irritating disobedient from the security council’s resolutions and their obvious unwillingness toward any political solution, trying to facilitate Iran’s access to peaceful nuclear technology. Otherwise, how anyone could possibly explain Iran’s leaders demagoguery, attracting so much attention to Iran’s hostility toward Israel and defiance to United States, if what they really need is a calm, attention-free environment where they can pursue a secret military plan under the cover of a civilian reactor?

Iran is aware that the world is absolutely determined to prevent her from becoming a nuclear state. They know that Israel already has an elaborate plan and the military capability as well, to finish the job if the situation appears to be critical and they will consider to do it alone if the rest of the world shies away, but Iran also knows that such procedure would be massively costly for the international community. In fact, expensive enough to justify paying a massive bribe to Iran just to avoid the confrontation. The bribe could be an amalgam of subjects; from lifting the sanctions to the securing the future of the regime from any possible threat from the outsides. The intentional efforts of Iran’s rulers to cultivate the Iran-o-phobia among western nations as well as Israel, is only logically explainable if it is to be a well-tailored political gesture to raise the final price of the deal to the highest level possible. A quite common scene in every haggle where one side is a Middle Easterner!

Considering the seemingly unsolvable catastrophe of Iraq, it would not be surprising if a defying, rebellious Iran would give up her nuclear ambitions right before US’s presidential election and all of a sudden justifies the whole Neo-Cons’s pre-emptive adventure in the Middle East.

And on the other side, since Iran’s leaders has repeatedly announced that they are not pursing a military plan and a nuclear war head is absolutely not what they are looking for, there would not be any need for the gesture to be explained or justified for Iran’s public.

After all, if it happens it wouldn’t be the first time, Islamic republic of Iran helping republicans win an election.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The little boy was reading the magazine passionately, while his father was buying a pack of cigarettes. The boy asked his father if he could buy the magazine for him. The father looked at him as he was paying for the cigarettes and responded that he didn’t have enough money with him.

Although it happened years ago, I still can remember the lingering gaze of the boy to that magazine as they were walking away, as well as his father’s confident voice, assuring that there was really no more money for the magazine and I mostly do remember the scene whenever I hear one of the world’s leaders, justifying why they should cut the budget for all the good things in the world, just because there’s not enough money!

I know it cost billions to fund education and health care, to protect the environment or to go on with medical researches, but does anybody have any idea, how much we spend annually on arms and ammunition?

If you think you know and it’s a boring subject, well at least you can take a guess, can’t you?

Did any body come up with 1.4 trillion dollars a year?! Unbelievable ha?

Yet somehow, we can always come up with the money for the cigarettes!

Long live Wilem....Long live Pronto

Pronto is amazing. The new invention by a South African called Wilem Van Rensburg, a brand new condom that you can put it on, in only 3 seconds! No messy oily sheets, no pathetic struggle with the stubborn wrapping, using your teeth and last but not least, no finding the right side in the dark using the dim light of your cell phone!

Any guy who’s used condoms in his life would realize that it’s much more important step for man kind than landing on the moon or coming up with the big-bang theory or discovering the black holes! After all, how many black holes we have to deal with in our daily lives?! (and I mean a real black hole not the metaphoric ones!)

And the painful thing is that I had the idea about 10 years ago but as usual, I didn’t take myself seriously. Now the guy is a millionaire and I should be just a happy, relieved consumer!

And in a country like South Africa which has the World’s biggest rate of HIV infections, he’s not only going to be a millionaire, but a hero as well. I think that he absolutely deserves it!


When was the last time you were in such a good mood?

Monday, October 23, 2006

(Originally was supposed to be published last week!)

I’m going to write more. How do I know that? Well, for one reason, I have a very comfortable chair now, hundred times better than the old pain in the neck one, which was ironically giving me pain in the neck, quite frequently!

I bought it from Sousou and William who are leaving Montreal for California next month and I suppose that’s the only good which could possibly come from two good friends as well as Colleagues, leaving the city. I know I’ll miss them so bad!


Anyway, this weekend I watched three movies on DVD. First one was Spike Lee’s Inside man. An interesting action movie that although very well made, but I’m afraid to say, totally predictable and without any new idea whatsoever. One of those movies to enjoy for two hours but to be forgotten, right before the after-movie-bathroom ritual!






The second one was Terry Zwigoff’s Art School Confidential. A pretty powerful comedy, criticizing the dysfunctional, annoying environment of art schools, where pretentious debates, ridiculous manifestations of knowledge and the amalgam of biases, destroy talents and originality, in a very destructive ambience.

The movie itself, though not a masterpiece, a very satisfying movie to watch and enjoy.





Third one was a French movie by Stephane Brize called Je ne suis pas la pour etre aime or I’m not there to be loved. A simple but deeply emotional film about a middle age man, falls in love with her young Tango partner who’s soon going to get married with her fiancé. A minimalist, romantic, realistic, touching, adorable and by far, unpretentious movie which is a true pleasure to watch. In my case, it reminded me that how my obsession to learn Tango is about to pass the stage of passion and become a disorder!

By the way, for the second time, I have my camera replaced, because of a LCD’s burnt pixel. I’m so happy with the Futureshop for doing the exchange, cause after more than two months, they were not legally obliged to do so and also, apparently the number of burnt pixels should exceed a certain limit so it can be called a defect! Anyway, the Future Shop located in AMC has the nicest, most helpful managers so I strongly recommend it for your future electronic purchases!

P.S. I was humiliatingly defeated in my third comprehensive campaign to clean my room, due to the feisty resistance of my unorganized bills and papers. Although I was promised by my chief of staff that the fourth attempt would be definitively successful!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Miserere

From the album Two Shoes by The Cat Empire...

Do you ever look around
turn your ear to the ground
show your face to the sky
on a night when the skies echoe sounds
from inside of your mind
on the stage that you shone
where the sun did become you
and move with your thoughts
through the sighs and the scenes
of the worlds you have seen
and the sights that have been
your reflection in shadows and dreams?
- your reflection in shadows and dreams

Did you ever see a man
who did walk down the street
white robe with no shoes on his feet
and on top of his head place a box with two slits
and the sign from his neck said
‘I do not exist’
or a woman who could not remember her name
did stutter and stutter
again and again
and saw you and called you her son
her eyes said
‘my being is gone
but still I’m not dead’?

Miserere

Have you ever seen a sound
have you listened to an image
have you ever touched a thought
have you ever tasted nothing
have you ever told a lie
that was true more than truth
because truth it had lied
all its life when it spoke to you?
And what did it say
it is that it is this
this goes here here is there
it is not yes it is
it was dulling your senses
your eyes they were bound
have you ever my friends
been looking around?

And the other replies
with a wave of a hand
I am already here
in this promised land
but not by a god and not by a king
and not by a spirit
deep from within
I am here
because a miracle’s a whim
it’s a flash of glory
it’s an empty tin
and maybe might lets you in
not to save you
but to keep on looking-

Miserere…

Have you ever
been so happy that you’re sad?
that the lights turn to stars
and the stars become eyes
and hello’s are goodbye’s
and the laughs are the sigh’s
and the show disappears with the note
‘until next time’

Long live living
if living can be this

Long live living
if living can be this

Long live living
if living can be this

Long live living
if living can be this

Do you ever look around
turn your ear to the ground
show your face to the sky
on a night when the skies echoe sounds
from inside of your mind
on the stage that you shone
where the sun did become you
and move with your thoughts
through the sighs and the scenes
of the worlds you have seen
and the sights that have been
your reflection in shadows and dreams
Do you ever look around
and find what is yet to be found?

Saturday, October 07, 2006

How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them. (Groucho Maarx)

Sin City

I saw her again. It took me a month to get over her and there she was, right in front of me.

“Hey, it’s been a long time, where are you going?” she asked.

“Hey. I’m going to catch a movie, care to join?”, I replied as I was trying to play as calm as possible while my heart was coming out of my ears and my face was getting so hot, the thin layer of frost on my glasses was melting away!

“I love to. Which one are you going to watch?”

Sin city…it’s the recent work of Robert Rodriguez. It made a lot of fuss in Cannes this year. I saw the trailer and it looked pretty amazing”

“I saw the trailer too. It seems to be so violent and I’m not in the mood for that. Would you mind if we just sit down and have a coffee or something? I really missed talking to you.”

“Why on earth I loved her so much?! why on earth my fucking heart is still pumping so hard?! She’s the most average girl I’ve ever been with in every possible way…why I can’t get over her?!”

My heart disagreed. Apparently, the argument was not convincing enough for my stupid brain to stop pouring the deadly hormones of excitements into my veins, once again.

I couldn’t refuse the offer. I knew it was the most stupid decision that I could possibly make in that moment but I just couldn’t do otherwise!

Two years later, finally I watched the movie. She was right…the movie was sadistically violent, so graphically brutal. But I was right too. It was a masterpiece as I was expecting. One of the most stunning movies I’ve ever seen. Unbelievably brilliant!

I still couldn’t realize why I loved her once, but this time, I’m glad that my heart does agree with me, finally!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Somedays aren't yours at all,
They come and go
As if they're someone else's days
They come and leave you behind someone else's face
And it's harsher than yours
And colder than yours

They come in all quiet
Sweep up and then they leave
And you don't hear a single floor board creak
They're so much stronger
Than the friends you try to keep
By your side....


Regina Spektor
Somedays (from Soveit Kitsch)

Perfect mother

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Lady

Lady sing the blues so well
As if she mean it
As if it's hell down here
In the smoke-filled world
Where the jokes are cold
They don't laugh at jokes
They laugh at tragedies

Regina Spektor
Begin to hope

Have you ever been that tired?





Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Wish you were here...


What is he now, 63? You couldn’t guess. His age has been well hidden behind his nice, seemingly young posture and his thick cluster of grey hairs. He hasn’t changed that much nor the world he has been tastefully criticizing for more than three decades.

Wish you were here!

They still keep getting us to trade our heroes for ridiculous mediocre ghosts. "Hot ashes" are still the only deal we have for our rain forest trees, well maybe in addition to Limber and Soya!. Apparently we have no other choice than to exchange our "cool breeze" with the warmer-by-the-day globally hot air in the decades to come and finally, have we experienced such an annoying "cold comfort" ever before through out the history?!



Does it make any difference if Maggie should bring the child back home form Falkland or Tony from southern Iraq?

Pictures of Sadam, Bin Laden and Bush in Fletcher memorial was "a mute reminder" of the fact that although there are no Brezhnev or Begin anymore, or non of the group of Latin American meat packing glitterati are still in power, the world has never been in shortage of senseless, megalomaniac madman’s to be added to the Ghost of Mc Carhty!

And it seems, as much as we run over the same old ground, all that we find is the same old fears.

Pigs on the wings!

Anyway, Roger Water’s live in Montreal was much more than a usual rock concert for me as well as thousands of fans who had been gathered in Bell center, from curious sixteen years old teenagers to nostalgic men and women in their sixties. It was more a quasi-religious ceremony to admire a legend among the thick smoke from the scene, mixed with the thicker smoke from the audience’s weeds! where none of those elaborate details, like the fancy special effects, the humongous flying pig with the name of "Bush" on his ass, or none of those great performers like the impeccable black female back vocals or the lead guitarist who was also carrying the burden of an old man who couldn’t scream as loud as he did when he was young, were able to deviate the attention, even for a second, from the maestro himself, who was walking around in his black t-shirt with his base guitar and taking pleasure of the his numerous fan’s genuinely sincere and unstoppable applause, possibly for the last times!



At the end and before leaving the scene, he looked at the crowd and shouted, Montreal, I’ll be back…Roger, we both know that you most probably wouldn’t, but thanks anyway, for the music I heard with you and for fulfilling one of my life-long dreams, to see you, live in concert.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

"In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of
triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the
pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size,
they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started
to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The
veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a
depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate
another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing
news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to
the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that
had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one
species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans"
that could be found quickly, were a litter of weaner pigs. The zoo
keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the
babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops??
Take a look........ you won't believe your eyes!!"





Saturday, September 16, 2006

The great journalist, writer and controversial interviewer and surly one of my favorite women of all time, Oriana Fallaci, died yesterday, in a hospital in Florence.
I personally, will never forget some of her unbelievably courageous interviews specially those with Shah, Khomeini and Kissinger. She was one of those phenomenons that can hardly be replaced any time soon.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The magic of Beshkan!

We Iranian claim a plethora of the world’s civilization’s advancements and heritages which to me, where sometimes is not far from the reality, almost always is much too exaggerated indeed.

However, I have to admit we’ve offered the humanity something uniquely exquisite which is our good old “Beshkan”! and to my big surprise, although we’ve never tried to keep the technique as secret, like Chinese people and their whole silk production procedure, it has been remained so far mostly in our hands to the point, you can almost recognize an Iranian by his or her “Beshkaning” skills!

Apart from its intended purpose, which is to accompany the notorious “Shish o Hasht!” beat, and the fact that it suits “Baba Karam” so well, it has an unbelievable use in daily life of an immigrant in Canada.

Whenever you’re stuck in an unpleasant discussion, you’ve made a politically incorrect comment that has been created an awkward silence or you’re involved in a debate where there’s absolutely no way out, just do the “Beshkan” out of the blue and watch how this little Persian heritage draws the attention stronger than Scarlet Johnson’s ass and changes the subject quicker than “Bin Laden is going to attack soon!”

I also want to propose to Iran’s delegation to UN, to use “Beshkan” to diverge other delegation’s attention from the nuclear issue to this seemingly simple but elaborate noise-making machine! Just imagine the look on John Bolton’s frustrated face, combined with his “Sha’boon-Type” mustache, asking Mr. Larijani “How was that?! Am I doing it right? Why mine isn’t making any sound?!” while he’s trying to imitate the hand posture!

I’m sure if Bush knew how to do it, he would use it in every white house press conferences, singing “Injaa beshkanam yaar geleh daare! Oonjaa behkanam yaar gele daareh (Public would bitch about me, no matter what I do!)” “pas nemishkanam (So to hell with the opinion poles!)”

And all the reporters would reply “Beshkan (Come on!!!)”

And the fox news correspondent would say “chegade balaaii delbar…namiri elaahi delbar! (We’re going to suck up no matter what you do or say!”

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Strike of corssed legs!

Finally women realized how to use the most powerful weapon of all!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Pablo

Pablo is sitting down on the pavement in front of a chessboard. Everything has been set up. A timer, a Jamaican flag for his side and a flag of Quebec for the opponent’s.

Pablo

His father needs treatment and he needs money for that. He doesn’t ask you for money, he challenges you to beat him in a chess game. Fare and square!

You have 3 minutes to win, but if you look at his sharp, determined face, you’ll realize that it won’t be easy.

Photo 1 - Photo 2 - Photo 3



Friday, September 08, 2006

Why we live?

You have no idea how much I envy religious people. If you’re religious, the answer is simple. In fact, all the answers are simple. God wants us to do this, God wants this to be that way and so on…it’s very much like spelling French. Those 11 letters at the end of that word are mute and don’t ask why. That’s the way it is!

All you have to do is to read your holy book, or as I’d like to call them, “everything you need to know about everything!” and if you still haven’t read it (which ironically is quite common among religious people!) and you don’t feel like reading it either, you can ask the next clergy you see, next time you go to your mosque, synagogue, church or temple.

Seriously, if you’re lucky enough to be able to believe in “The great book of fairy tales for grown ups”, It is that simple. No excavation, no theory, no experimentation, no logic, no thinking of any kind and most importantly, no conscience, whatsoever. After all, you’re doing what God's told you to do, so why bother!

Anyway, I’d come back from the hospital. Tiered and depressed. I thought, “there is only two things in the world that can possibly make me happy right now, a cute furry kitty or a Woody Allen’s movie!”. Since obviously I didn’t have any choice, I took my glass of port, and started watching one of the Woody’s Masterpieces, Manhattan.

Five minutes to the end, there was this amazing scene which I absolutely adore, in which, Woody (here Isaac) is so depressed and in a self-therapeutically action, he lies down on a couch, recording his voice as if he’s talking to a shrink. He’s asking himself….

"Why is life worth living? It's a very good question. Um... Well, There are certain things I guess that make it worthwhile. uh... Like what... okay... um... For me, uh... ooh... I would say... what, Groucho Marx, to name one thing... uh... um... and Wilie Mays... and um... the 2nd movement of the Jupiter Symphony... and um... Louis Armstrong, recording of Potato Head Blues... um... Swedish movies, naturally... Sentimental Education by Flaubert... uh... Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra... um... those incredible Apples and Pears by Cezanne... uh... the crabs at Sam Wo's... uh... Tracy's face... "

And then, I closed my eyes I though about all the beautiful things for which, life worth living for. And the list went on and on and on and on….

it’s so good to be alive…even as an agnostic!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Parking lot in Munich


An absolutely amazing commercial!

Hezb-o-llah! insurance company!

Elephant in the room!

In the South East Asia, where elephants are widely used as a mean of transport as well as to carry heavy stuff, an intriguing technique is implemented to tame them which simply is tying the baby elephant’s foot, with a strong rope to a massive tree, on a regular basis so the efforts of the baby elephant to rescue itself remain fruitless.
As the elephant grows up, the poor creature, gradually accepts that the tree is always stronger and eventually stops even trying to get rid of the rope.
As soon as the illusion established, they can tie a huge elephant to a relatively weak trunk of tree with a tiny rope and the animal will stand still like a little puppy, tied up to a Parcometer!

As I was reading the article, I tried to remember, what was the last time I made a serious effort to examine the seemingly unbreakable ropes and the invincible trees, tying me to the ground, to see maybe I’ve become strong enough to break them apart! Can you remember your last effort?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

They keep on burying our dead
They keep on planting their bones in the ground
But they won't grow
The sun doesn't help
The rain doesn't help
And all we've got is a giant crop of names
And dates...

Regina Spektor - Lacrimosa

By the way, She’s coming to Montréal this October. Anybody wants to come?

the Cutest ever!
That' s so fuuny and beautiful

Sunday, September 03, 2006

I found the meaning of life, the height of the creation!

Check out Melissa Theuriau, this inexpressibly desirable French Anchor.

We really do need more of the anchors like her to at least, make the constant flow of catastrophically painful news, a touch more bearable!

Scream of the ants

Shahr e Zobaale haa (Scream of the ants)”, Mohsen Makhmalbaf’s latest movie, is a story about a couple, a mildly spiritual/religious woman and an seemingly atheist/ex-communist, spending their honey moon, traveling through India to meet “the complete man”. A philosophical journey through which, Makhmalbaf tries to portray human suffering; and I have to admit that he has been quite successful since at least I, experienced an excruciating pain watching two extremely untalented actors, uttering the most stupid, cheesy, retarded ideas for the whole 91 insufferable minutes!

The whole film can be summarized as a sequence of some truly magnificent scenery and exquisite cinematography that has been completely ruined by the idiocy of a man who knows how to use his camera but not his brain!

Inject the content of a gravely depressed, high school teenager’s diary, edited by his housewife mother, into a very well made documentary about India and voila, you’d have “Scream of the Ants”!

Couldn’t anybody around Makhmalbaf reminded him that since 15th century, the question “Why God has created poor people?” has not been considered a philosophical question for God’s sake, but the one a six years old might ask the parents over the dinner table!?

And you know what can make those “100 philosophical questions for mentally challenged Soccer mom’s” even more intolerable?! Asking two actors, whose acts are unacceptable even by the standards of a kindergarten’s play about talking pumpkins, recite them out loud, in a way that can easily be outdone even by a well-trained parrot!

Apart from two monologues; one by the guru-type who allegedly stops the train by his eyes, and the other by the German monk, who for some reasons, speaks English with a funny Indian accent; one can find the most idiotic, unreasonable, childish ideas, expressed in the most banal, unnatural and corny way possible in a movie which is so shattered that nothing, even all those mind-blowing scenes and even the exquisite beauty of the actress, “Mahnour Shadzi” (VOA’s dazzling gorgeous anchor, also known as “Luna shad”), can make it a dash less painful to watch.

Put this movie next to M. Night Shyamalan’s recent disaster, Lady in the water, and you’ll have every possible reason to burn down a movie theatre and feel happy about it!

For heaven's sake, can somebody tell me how a woman, so preoccupied by spirituality doesn’t know who Dalai Lama is?!!

Dear Makhmalbaf, that Scream was not from the ants, but from those wretched audience in the theatre, who couldn’t fool their badly-insulted intellects, even with all those eye-catching, artistically-done images. When a skillful pianist has a horrendous, crow-like voice, maybe he should just shut up and not overshadow his brilliance in playing the instrument, by his unforgivable voice! Please keep your philosophical point of views to yourself and do not scream them in our ears.

Just by doing that, you can make the world, slightly a better place!