Paris, je t'aime

Finally and after a delay of almost a year, “Paris Je t’aime”; a combination of eighteen short films by eighteen directors, each representing an arrondissement of Paris; arrived to the world’s third largest French speaking city! (Naturally, It had been planned to be twenty films but it was decided not to include two of them which were those about 11th and 15th arrondissement)

For entrée I have to say that as one might expect quite rightfully, here, homogeneity wouldn’t be the quality to be looking for, facing with such a broad spectrum of writer/directors and actors, each having a different first-hand experience and hence different view toward the subject and that is exactly the one issue one should make peace with to be able to enjoy this movie.

Talking about each episode individually, I truly enjoyed the dreamlike and sarcastic episode of “Tuileries” by "Coen" brothers which was to me, by far the best episode of this collection. The sharp contrast between the surreal nature of what an American tourist, sitting in the Tuilerie’s Metro station is experiencing and what the travel book in his hands suggests, creates such a comic, disturbing, and nightmarish ambience that screams the signature of the genius brothers on it.

The cleverly named “Loin du 16eme” by "Walter Salles", is also a strong piece, poetically dealing with a wide range of social subjects in such a short window of time, analyzing the differences and similarities between the well-rooted French bourgeoisie and the recently-arrived-immigrant-class, in a brilliantly visual/aural and totally non-verbal way.

In contrary, “14th arrondissement” by “Alexander Payne”, is nothing but verbal. A working-class, lonely, middle age, American woman who walks around Paris while explaining her rather pathetic and boring life in French with a terribly funny American accent, pretty much like reading her diary out loud. A marvelous attempt to discover the beautiful details of the seemingly tedious and uninteresting life of the mediocre majority.

Another favorite of mine was “Faubourg Saint-Denis” by “Tom Tykwer”, a stylish and adorable tale of romance between a blind Frenchman and an American acting student, played by my beloved actress, the sweet and beautiful “Natalie Portman” whose exquisite beauty, to my biggest surprise, was far less dazzling to me ever since I’ve met that heavenly charming waitress in one of the best bistros of Montreal.

On the other hand, considering “Paris Je t’aime” as a whole, which is clearly the original intent behind this body of works and has been evidently reflected in the way it has been edited, it was a remarkably satisfying experience, well worth the 10 dollars. It is not everyday that one can live such a wide range of contrasting emotions in less than two hours, an occasion absolutely not to be missed.

Beside, it is truly pleasing to see all those well-known actors and actresses together in one film which is anything other than ocean “10+n” (in which “n” goes from one to, apparently and unfortunately, eternity!)

Finally, this was one of the few occasions that this unique city had the opportunity to be represented realistically, not by those overwhelmed by her beauty or those who sell the nauseating city-of-love-crap but by artists who are able to love the beautiful Paris, despite her weaknesses, quite like a faithful partner in a long-term relationship.

George carlin

Watch these George Carlin's Stand up. it's as bitter as it's funny and it's dark as it's humurous

Welcome to the Future

Women In Art

I suppose it is among the best ways for spending 3 minutes of your time. Enjoy

Waitress

Every time I read a poem by “Forough” I thought “You can have absolutely no idea who wrote this poem but still bet your life that the poet certainly was a woman”. Adrienne Shelly’s Waitress is one of those few examples, impossible for a man to be the creator of.

A humble, honest, low-budget but impressively stylish film, a romantic satire (the genre “romantic comedy” was previously hijacked by the bulk of senseless, stupid blockbusters so I’m not going to abuse this great movie by assigning it to that notorious genre) about a simple girl called Jenna (marvelously played by stunningly beautiful Keri Russell who remarkably looks like Nicole Kidman but a bit cuter and a lot warmer!) working as a waitress in a modest Pie Shop in a small city. Jenna is not just a waitress but in fact, is the brain behind all those twenty something variety of the pies on the menu as well as a new Pie-of-the-day she creates every single day, inspired by daily events in her rather miserable life.

Although we do not have the privilege of tasting any of those seemingly appetizing pies that take the centerpiece of this film, we actually don’t need to. The movie has been made so deliciously beautiful and so delightfully witty that I doubt it would be any less tasteful than any of those scrumptious pies would possibly taste like.

Apart from the style, Waitress is also truly earthy and surprisingly non-judgmental piece of work. Where almost every character in the story leads a stupendously boring and somehow pitiful life, it is considered absolutely no one’s fault. Even the darkest character of the film which is Jenna’s controlling and rather crazy husband, whom is a big inspiration for quite a lot of pies indeed, is much more pathetic than sinister.

More interestingly, Shelly portrays her main character as a girl who cheats on her husband with her married gynecologist while she is pregnant with the baby she genuinely hates while stunningly does not let the audience judge Jenna, even for a split of a second.

In fact, I’ve encountered a few stories in which one could understand and connect to all characters this easily, as eating a piece of pie!

Finally, for the bitter-sweet this movie was, I would found the ending a little too perfectly sweet for my taste, but giving the bitter ending of the brilliant and talented writer/director of this splendid film, I’m afraid to say that in general, all has been too ironically balanced!

Adrienne Shelly might not share Forough Farokhzad’s distressingly bitter views of the world, quite contrary her movie is filled with hope and optimism, but they surly shared the same tragic destiny indeed, when their fruitful lives come to an end, much too quickly.

As tragic as it is, she left the scene with an intimate, clever, giftedly crafted movie which guaranties that she would be missed, even by those who never knew her in person, such as me.

Rest in piece girl...

Do they really have to make lawnmowers,
so noisy?!
or they’re just so loud,
to mask the scream of those beautiful yellow flowers,
we always take for granted,
cause they are as free,
as they’re beautiful?

Baby laughing at the Wii

Beleive me, this baby got it...wii certainly is this good

3 IkeaTidy Up Commercials

A preciously hilarious hidden camera from Montreal’s Just for Laugh Festival...

Dutch Ad Funny!

That's what I call "the art of the commercial making"

that's just brilliant

Hats off to Alanis Morissette

First time I saw Fergie’s “My Humps” video, I was really shocked and truly appalled by how sickeningly low this industry has gone to earn a few bucks more!

But who could have thought that a simple re-performing of exactly the same song, only with a different rhythm, a variation on the same theme if you like, could this beautifully and eloquently reveal the hideousness and vulgarity of the idea behind that piece of crap!

I am stunned, pleased and gratified by what I would like to call “Alanis Morissette’s quintessential of sarcasm”! A precious reminder that the stupidity is so self-destructive that sometimes, just repeating a foolish idea with a somehow different tone, might so vividly expose its absurdity, in a way that no critic would ever succeed to do.

Bravo girl, Bravo…

Masturbating cat!

Hilarious...

Queen-Free quarter!

Today at work, as I was about to get a cup of hot chocolate from the vending machine (I mean, a brown disgusting slush we call Hot chocolate cause it has been written so, on the machine! and by the way is neither hot nor has any chocolate in it!), I realized one of my quarters looked weird!

As you might have guessed, it was an American, queen-free! quarter, honoring the state of Montana with a bizarre slogan of “Montana, Big sky Country”

Seriously, how dull a state could possibly be that her BIG SKY is the only distinctive feature, worth mentioning on a national coin?!

And I thought “Oklahoma is OK!” was the dullest ever!

Cleaning the mid-spring’s snow from the streets! : 2 million dollars a day!

Watching the confused look on the recently-arrived migrating birds’ faces: Priceless!

There’re things money can’t buy. For the rest, long live Canada

Let's Get Nuc!

As I was in Tehran in the midst of this hot nuclear debate and while I was struggling with my pleasant! new-found allergy to cats, I was thinking that maybe we should first try to master the mysterious and complicated technology of making a tissue box in a way that only one tissue comes out; every time you want to pull out one, before getting to enrich anything!

You know, something to think about!

Pol e "Sheikh Fazl-ol-laah" az roo "Sataar khaan" rad mishe!

“Eshgh e Sor’at” is Kiosk’s latest video clip (but to be honest, I have no idea if they had any before!).

This little five minutes and something, is a fantastic musical documentary that lists almost every problem facing Iran’s collapsing society, expressed as if it’s ordinary people who’re nagging, as in fact, they do quite frequently!

The video is just amazing. It’s sharp, tasteful, simple and cleverly satirical. The music is brilliant, still feels a bit too much dire-straitsy! but with enough personal touches to make it just an honest influence and still tremendously better that most the of musics out there and finallty the lyrics, where it is the only part that have room for serious improvement, still bitterly funny and extremely witty.

Well, if you’re not Iranian, don’t even bother to watch cause you won’t get anything but if you are, invite yourself to 5 minutes and an almost half of a peculiar mixture of pleasure and pain! Beleive me, you won't regret it.

My Cubicle

So deliciously anti-capitalistic!

Nora, The Piano-Playing Cat (www.ravenswingstudio.com)

Look it this cute pianist!

Too much excitement will kill ya!

Last night I was watching “City TV’s evening news” and I swear to God I don’t make this up. There was a report about this bus driver who was talking to his cell phone for half an hour while he was doing his job, driving the city bus in Toronto’s turtle-friendly streets!!!

Well, you might think that due to his reckless behavior, he must have accidentally driven the bus into a gas station and blown up himself and the whole neighborhood and killed 250 people … but No No No! He was talking to his cell phone for half an hour. That’s the news! In fact, that’s the whole news!!! That’s city TV’s fascinating reportage!

He was talking to this cell and apparently one of the responsible passengers (who obviously didn’t have a life!) took his picture, ironically with her cell phone! and gave it to CityTV's reporter. Now it was time for our brave little “Frank Gardner!” to take the picture to the bus company’s deputy to the regional manager! and embarrassed him with the scandalous picture of this shameful behavior so in the future such catastrophe could be prevented!

And then, Mr. Woodward!! continued with the thrilling news that “the search for this irresponsible driver still goes on” as if he was talking about “mission impossible 4”! Like how hard it would be to find a perfectly photographed bus driver in Spadina!

Later, he finished this exciting “reportage of the century!” with the typical, alarming and mysterious tone “we think we ride safe in our buses, but ARE WE SAFE ENOUGH!?”

Oh for Heaven’s sake, somebody please do kill somebody so at least, they can fill up their evening news with something a bit more decent! What’s next?! Mr. Whisker, little Julia’s kitty has been insulted by Magi’s intolerant Hamster's racial remarks ?!!

When the world says we’re boring, I think they have a point!

William Crawley meets Richard Dawkins

Whether you believe in God or not, whether you’re religious or agnostic, the most recent book of Professor Richard Dawkins, “The God Delusion”, is a superbly controversial piece, certainly worth reading. Here is a brief introduction to the author, one of the most outspoken atheists of our time. I believe those who do not share his ideas could still admire his courage and his sincere, blunt and honest tone.

Otters holding hands

Can you be any cuter?!

Hitchens on Free Speech

Christopher Hitchens’s quite interesting speech at university of Toronto. Though his blunt and unapologetic style might sound unpleasant to some, I really do recommend listening to this speech about “The freedom of expression”.

Another funny clip from 127, called "Khosro-e-Khooban"...

127-my sweet little terrorist song

This is an apparently underground Iranian music band. I really love their wonderful clips. They’re hilariously original.

Happy Birthday War

A funny song by Mitch Benn for Iraq war’s fourth anniversary. It is part of BBC’s hilarious weekly comedy, “The Now Show”.

I think I love my wife

I think I love my wife is a romantic comedy, played, directed and written by famous black comedian, Chris rock, about a successful investor in Manhattan who lives with her gorgeous wife and their two lovely kids in their dreamy house but to the contrary to this perfect picture, his life is not perfect at all because he’s seriously bored with his job and his life and he’s hardly sleeping with his wife anymore so when his old and super sexy femme-fatale friend, Nikki, walks into his office and tries to seduce him, he should try really hard to remain faithful…

Well, although the plot deosn’t look like to be refreshing at all, the movie really is. It is quite satirical, rather bitter and impressively stylish. The jokes about sexual tensions and the married life are almost as funny as the racial jokes he’s famous for and like in his stand ups, while he’s concerned about the problems of the black community, he doesn’t shy away from blaming a good part of it on them.

Unlike what I expected from a stand up comedian, the movie is surprisingly good when it comes to the visuals. He absolutely hasn’t only relied on the dialogues and has relatively utilized the full capacity of the media to convey he’s jokes.

The portrayal of Manhattan is also really unique and notable. He has chosen the shots so carefully and related to the mood of the moment that it almost reminded me of Woody Allen (and anyone who’s aware of my love affair with Woody’s films would realize what a compliment it is from me to give to someone!).

Surly, the movie is not all that amazing. For one thing, Chris Rock is not as good an actor as he’s a stand up comedian. In fact, he’s not a good actor at all. The plot is too predictable and it really doesn’t have any surprise at all, whatsoever and the last but not least, unlike the satirical, bitter and realistic start, movie ends up so rosy, idealistic and happy that you almost forget the impressive beginning but all the problems aside, it’s still considerably better than the majority of the romantic comedies you would see in the theaters these days and drastically better than what you would expect from a stand up comedian-made movie!

Finally, if you consider yourself too sophisticated to watch a romantic comedy made by Chris Rock, well don’t be. It’s not a masterpiece but it most definitively worth watching.

This guy really rocks! an interview with Bill Maher

A sonata for a good man!

First of all I have to say, only an academy who gives the best picture to How Green was my Valley in the presence of Citizen Kane and considers Rocky better Taxi Driver and two decades later, sacrifices United 93 in the foot of The Departed, just to redeem that ridiculous mistake, could possibly conclude The lives of others realistically has any chance of being better than Pan’s Labyrinth in any possible way! And I would never have forgiven them if they hadn’t given 3 awards to this breath-taking masterpiece and also for being brave enough to choose Annie Hall over Star Wars, years ago.

Anyway, as much as it is a critic for Oscar’s selection procedure, it is not for this great movie, since in fact, every single movie of 2006 was inferior to Pan’s labyrinth!

The Lives of others or Das Leben der Anderen, by Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck, is a beautifully depicted tale about living in a police-state dictatorship in East-Germany, GDR, ironically (but I absolutely don’t think accidentally) in the year 1984!

The story follows the gentle metamorphosis of a Stasi officer Gerd Wiesler from a cold-hearted agent to a wonderful human being, while being assigned to monitor a loyal yet suspicious famous playwright Georg Dreymann and his elegant, charming girlfriend who is also a well-known actress.

The movie is honest, subtle and noticeably realistic. There is absolutely no intention to demonize anybody or make a political statement, whatsoever. Instead, it more deals with exposing the realities of living under an ideologist, controlling, totalitarian regime and its relentless yet pathetic efforts to tame people’s hearts and minds while people (including even party officials and secret service agents) on the other side of the isle, are struggling in such an environment to create the delicate, elaborate and sometimes, seemingly impossible balance between their natural, personal interests and their rapidly diminishing consciences.

And where I’m sure the Canadian audiences as well as their American counterparts could only sympathize with the characters in the movie from far far away, I, alongside with everybody who has a first-hand experience of such condition, lived every moment of this film while dealing with a weird, nauseating sense of nostalgia, almost like being masochistically satisfied of having a sip of that experience, in the first place while dramatically rejoiced that it’s all over!

Near the end of the movie, when the former minister Hempf, grimly reminds Georg (who has stopped writing since the unification) the intellectual stimulation for artistic creativities that the little republic’s dictatorship and censorship was providing for them and grins at the fact that in this new world, they have nothing to believe in and nothing to rebel against hence nothing to write about, Georg’s silence, silently approves the remarks but soon he finds something well worth writing about. A sonata for a good man!

where the fools rule...

Although the provocative question of the eligibility of masses to be incorporated in the decision making process is almost as old as the concept of democracy itself, it is the criticism one can hardly encounter these days.

The basic fact that the democracy is the most reliable form of governance we have ever developed has created an environment in which even debating the existential philosophy of relying on herd’s opinion, anywhere but in certain academic circles; highly specialized in politics and philosophy, considered out of the question and totally rubbish. However, I can hardly believe that any thoughtful citizen, at least for once, has not been driven to the point of questioning the whole concept.

Where we impose delicate sets of criteria, for almost every simple task in a society, how is it possible that reaching to a certain age is the only criteria to become eligible to choose the most important and influential decision makers of a country?

Why somebody who does not even know the most fundamental basics of the constitutional mechanism, or has not the slightest clue of what is going on inside the country or in the world, is perfectly qualified to decide what is best for the country and for the world, just because he or she is a citizen and has passed a certain age?

Isn’t it at least controversial that for example in the United States, a teenager who is not considered mature enough to be allowed to order a pint of beer or to have a shot of tequila, is allowed to vote in an election in which the most influential man in the world, at least on the paper, is supposed to be elected?! or in some other countries, someone who can not write or read his name, has an equal saying as the most educated and aware intellectuals and philosophers, in determining the future of the country?

For example, when the world is losing precious time to cap CO2 emission and stop the almost irreversible catastrophe of climate change that could and possibly would endanger the whole existence of human being on this planet, why should politicians are forced to postpone the action and disregard the top scientist’s serious warnings, before every redneck and soccer mom is being fully persuaded that it is time to act?!

Do we even ask ourselves, why people should have the unchallengeable right to impose their opinions on matters about which they have no idea, whatsoever?

Can we at least agree that the fact we even consider those premises normal and unquestionable, is gravely abnormal and questionable?

Let me make this clear that I am not against democracy and I do believe that democracy with all its flaws and defects, is the only practical and sustainable way of governance known to mankind but it doesn’t prevent me to seriously challenge the democratic procedure we, in liberal democracies, do practice. It does not persuade me to believe that what we have in the modern world at the moment, can not be improved to be a more intelligent form of people’s authority.

I am not suggesting that we should exclude people from the process, just because they are not educated enough, or they are not aware of the subtleties of the politics but I do believe that they should be certainly excluded because of their dangerous indifference and their persistence to remain clueless! What I am saying is, instead of emphasizing on the number of participant, the accent is better to be put on their quality. How much do they care about the election? How much do they know about the politicians they are voting for? Do they have any clue about the dilemmas facing the country? Are they willing to put at least half as much effort in choosing the president or the prime minister, as they put to vote for the American or Canadian idol? And if they are not, does the system really should care about what they think about the future of the country?

Here is an idea. Surely not flawless, but take it as a starting point. Imagine every eligible citizen undergoes a constitutional exam and gets a constitutional license, similar to driving license but in this case, mandatory for participating in the elections. This way, at least the system can make sure that the voters know the basics of constitution and have an idea about the amount of responsibilities; their votes are giving to the elected officials.

Well, that is just the beginning. On top of this, imagine before every major election, an independent, non-partisan committee, made of intellectuals, political analysts, professional journalists and all related experts and naturally, representatives from all major political parties gather and issues a pamphlet, addressing the most prominent issues facing the country and the world, accompanied by a concise explanation of each problem, following by a prompt and clear strategy proposed by each major political party regarding how to address the very same issue.

Absolutely nothing complicated or impossible to read, just a pamphlet of couple of pages, expressed in a simple and understandable language, written for a common man, explaining the problems and the suggested solutions by each political party. Let’s even do more and offer the package in more diversified formats, like a five to ten minutes pseudo-commercial between favorite programs. Let’s even make it available as podcast for younger generation. Let’s even go further and send volunteers to remote places to make sure voters understand the content of the document. Let’s devote phone lines to which people can call and clear up their ambiguities, regarding to the issues, addressed in the pamphlet.

Then, when the system makes sure that everybody has access to this document, voters can be asked ( surely, only those with a valid constitutional license) to answer some simple questions that has been written on the ballots, designed by the committee and based on the famous pamphlet.

Finally, if one can answer those simple questions, well, the individual can have his/her say. Otherwise, the vote will be discarded to save the future from the most careless citizen’s ignorance, indifference and lack of perspective. Sounds fair doesn’t it?!

Let’s not forget that even if voting is considered to be a birth right, there should be criteria based on which, this right could be, at least temporarily suspended, due to extreme carelessness, extreme ingonrance or as such, exactly the same way that another more obvious birth-right, freedom, can be revoked in cases of breaking the law.

Every right comes with a responsibility attached to it. Why we forget the second part, when we get to the ballot boxes?

P.S. If you don’t agree with me, please see this painfully hilarious video and remember that these people, stupid as they are, are entitled to make decisions that can eventually affect their and everyone else’s lives. Finally, if you want to fool yourself by confining this epidemic of public ignorance to only Americans, well…be my guest!

By the way, I would really like to know your opinions on this matter. Please to not hesitate to leave comments.

Dear God,

If you give me a girlfriend like this, I would never be late anymore!

Surreal dreams of a realistic man!

Well, well well…couple of nights ago, I had quite an unusual nightmare. I was sleeping and at the same time dreaming that I was in bed and couldn’t get to sleep! My whole night was a frustrating dead-end struggle to get to sleep while I was, in fact, sleeping!

In the contrary, last night, I had a beautiful dream. Again and naturally, I was sleeping and I had strange stuff going on around - you’re welcome to call them realistic nightmares - and all of a sudden I got tired and decided to sleep (in my sleep) and voila, I had the blankest! most satisfying sleep I had in months.


I really do hope that after the screening of this Clint Eastwood-type sequel of the previous nightmare, I could enjoy the end of my surrealistic nightmares/dreams series.

At the moment, I’m truly busy at work and I do need my calm, 6-hours-a-night-sleep, to be able to function properly, if at all.

Top 10 Movies of 2006 According to me!

Some of them have links to my reviews...Click on the title to read them if you like...

10. Stranger than fiction

A brilliant comedy, Zach Helm’s thoughtful, deliciously funny and somehow bitter tale of an ordinary man whose lethargic life is seriously bothered by a strange narrative voice which bizarrely follows him around. Apart from some great performances by Will Farrell, Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson, the movie is a true pleasure to watch. It’s simply amazing. As simple as the movie itself.

9. V for Vendetta

James McTeigue’s fantastic fantasy, a sharply political comic strip about a phantom-type outlaw who fights the authority of the intrusive, corrupted government of Britain, in a dark, depressing Orwellian ambience in the near future. One of the most pleasing experiences I have ever had in the movie theatre to say the least.

8. The last king of Scotland

The entertaining tale of a fictional Scottish doctor and Idi Amin’s personal physician as a backdrop for telling the true story of Uganda’s brutal yet charming dictator. Forest Whitaker’s mind-blowing performance as general Amin, is surely worthy an Oscar this year.

7. Volver

To me, Pedro Almodovar’s best work to date, a charming, nostalgic and intimate story about women in general and in particular, an ode to femininity.

6. Little miss Sunshine

One of the smartest comedies I’ve ever seen, it’s the story of a dysfunctional family and their road trip to get their little girl to a disgusting American idol-type beauty contest for kids.

5. Departed

Another miraculous movie from one the greatest filmmakers of all time, Martin Scorsese. A gangster movie about a Boston-based Irish gang that is as much a pleasure to watch as it is a brilliant art work.

4. Letters from Iwo Jima

Clint Eastwood’s the other half of the Iwo Jima’s story, this time, from the eyes of the Japanese who were defending the Island. Apart from the masterfully executed war scenes, this movie is much more than just another brilliant war movie. A great film, not to be missed.

3. United 93

Paul Greengrass’s masterpiece about the September eleventh’s fourth hijacked plane that crashed near Pittsburg. Apart from Sean Penn’s mind-blowing short film, united 93 is simply the best movie that anyone could possibly make about this subject.

2. Pan's Labyrinth

I said whatever I could have said about this movie however, I doubt that I succeeded to reveal even a fraction of how good this film actually is. I went to see Pan’s Labyrinth with unbelievably elevated expectations, which usually is a recipe for disappointment, but Del Toro almost humiliated my expectations as being too modest. I wish I was an octopus so I could raise my all eight thumbs up instead of two, imagining that octopuses have thumbs, to begin with.

and finally...the best movie of the year...

....

...

...

...

Well, do you really think that I give the first spot to anything other than Pan’s Labyrinth?

Best movie of the year : PAN’S LABYRINTH

Pan’s Labyrinth…Perfection well defined

If there’s only one day in the whole year that you want to relax and not bother yourself with planning stuff, that would be your Birthday but normally, when you don’t plan something ahead, you dramatically increase the chance of having a plain, unmemorable birthday which ironically is in full contrast with what a birthday is supposed to be, the most special day of the year.

But last night, my 31st birthday was strangely unforgettable

For months, I was impatiently waiting for the latest film of Guillermo Del Toro, Pan’s Labyrinth, to be screened in Montreal. To my big surprise, as I checked the website for the upcoming movies, I realized that it was supposed to be screened, exactly on my birthday. Therefore, I dearly took it as both my birthday surprise and my mysterious birthday gift.

To be honest, I can hardly remember any better gift, anyone has ever given to me nor anything I can imagine anyone ever will. It was 112 minutes of pure perfection in every possible aspect imaginable. One of the best stories, cinematography’s, acting’s, visual effects and I can go on and on forever, combined with something else from out of this world, a well-balanced combination of all human emotions at their best, to say the least.

Pan’s Labyrinth or “El Laberinto del Fauno”, is the story of a girl, Ofelia (played by Ivana Baquero) who travels with her pregnant mother to a mill-house in northern Spain’s woodlands, to settle with her mother’s new husband, Captain Vidal (played marvelously by Sergi Lopez), a precise, dedicated and viciously brutal fascist officer who’s trying to crush the last remains of resistance to General Franco and his extreme-right dictatorial regime.

Ofelia, guided by a fairy-type creature, enters a labyrinth and is told by a faun that she might be the lost princes of the underworld and should prove herself in series of bizarre missions.

The rest of the story is a spectacular polyphony of her quest in the fantasy land, and the real world’s grim and atrocious brutality of the civil war, in 1944’s Spain.

Del Toro masterfully depicts how the grisly realities of the real world with all its nauseating ghastliness leer and leek to the children’s pure fantasies and transform their dreams from beautiful fairy tales to a tense and frightful world and the way children enthusiastically plunge as deep as possible into their imaginations just to get rid of the cruelty of the environment, surrouding them. He portrays how the tragedy of war imposes an unbearable weight on children’s shoulders, to the point that they innocently carry this unfair burden of responsibilities with themselves, even in their most personal fables. However, he insists that we, humans, in our lowest, are able to create such a ferociously frightening environment that no monster in any imaginative world could ever replicate.

Among thousands of mind-blowing subtleties of this film, I really enjoyed the way Del Toro represents Ofelia’s critical age, being on the verge of puberty, by occasionally letting her show of a little bit of feminine charm, while perfectly preserves her innocence as a child.

The film, both the illustration of the fairyland and the depiction of the real world’s civil war, has been executed so brilliantly, meticulously and eloquently that it seems impossible to alter any element of this movie and come up with a better film than what Pan’s labyrinth is and that’s what I call a shear Perfection.

To me, THE best film of the year, an instant classic and one of the top ten movies of all time.

Thanks Gillermo for this magnificent birthday present.

Time-Space

I’m amazed that the theory of general relativity was proposed by a German who was living in Switzerland!

The fact that time and space are not two separate entities, should have been as plain as a Gerard Depardieu’s nose on his face for anybody who was living in Montreal!

As someone who lives in this city, I can see and feel the expansion and contraction of space with time and vise versa and I don’t need any revelation or elaborate experiment to realize it!

For example, the nearest grocery store to my apartment, in a human-style weather (like in mid-may, or mid-September) is literally right on the corner. It would take me like a blink to go there, get something and come back. But in -30 with wind-chill (like what we had last night), the same distance would expand to almost eternity! You can walk and walk and walk and never get there. I mean seriously, somewhere along the path, you might even succeed convincing yourself to give up and return home by telling, “Oh, Fuck it! Why do I need milk in the first place; I’m not a little cow for god’s sake”.

Five minutes later, being defrosted at home, bearing the cereal box’s blaming regard, I remember how in the mid-spring, I would say “do you really want to take a bus to St-Laurent? Why can’t we just walk?!” and I truly regret why the Einstein’s theory of relativity is not Tremblay’s or DesJardin’s theory!

The disappointment of an infertile story

After a painfully long waiting, I finally got to see the latest work of Alfonso Cuaron, Children of men, a promising sci-fi about a time in the near future, 2027 exactly, where for some unknown reasons, the man kind has lost the ability to reproduce. The rest is the quest of the movie’s protagonist, played by Clive Owen, to get the only pregnant woman in the world to the apparently safe hands of a vaguely described group of scientists called “The human Project”, amidst all the chaos and disorder cause by this catastrophic pandemic of infertility.

Children of men powerfully starts, acceptably mediocre continues and pathetically poor finishes. Despite the brilliance of the idea behind the story, the scenario is so incredibly badly done that it even overshadows one of the best cinematography of the modern cinema. It is indeed twice upsetting since the same idea, had it been developed more eloquently, it could have been one of the best science fiction of the recent years.

Having said those, I should also mention that it is not a bad film at all. Even carrying the weight of this wretched screenplay, it is still considerably better than most of the Hollywood’s productions, by all means. All the disappointments, in fact, arises form the legitimately elevated expectations from such a genius as Alfonso Cuaron. If he only stick with the well written stories like Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban or Y tu mama tambien and do not waste his abundant talent and technique and his potentials on such a pitiful screenplay, he could truly make magic!

Thanks for the memory...

The last king of Scotland

The Last King of Scotland is the story of a young Scottish, recently graduated medical doctor who chooses Uganda, utterly by chance, to go and help the poor and ends up being the personal physician and the advisor to the charismatic and, at the time, promising leader of Uganda, Idi Amin!

Kevin Macdonald, based on Giles Foden's award winning novel, utilizes this intriguing fictional tale to, alongside, unravel the true story of one the Africa’s most brutal yet entertaining tyrant, General Amin who has been played astonishingly good by brilliant Forest Whitaker. In fact he is so successful in depicting the seemingly humble but mysterious and multi-layered character of Amin that I would be amazed if I don’t see his name in the list of the candidates for the Best supporting actor, in this year’s academy awards.

The last king of Scotland is a stylish and visually stunning movie and it has the right dose of almost everything, from suspense and action to romance and history. The result is a film which is informative but not boring and brutal but not impossible to watch. In one word, it’s a job well-done!

A homage to femininity

Although I’m a big fan of extravaganza in cinema, whether it involves a complicated, multi-layered story like Eyes wide shut or a brilliant camera working and technical indulgence like Munich, but I can’t hide my deep appreciation for anything brutally minimal yet widely expressive, like one of Hirschfeld's caricatures or Pedro Almodovar’s recent masterpiece, Volver.

I’m neither capable nor willing to analyze Volver, but there are some points that I really like to talk about.

First of all, it is to me, his best movie so far. Although some might argue that but it is Penelope Cruz’s best performance to date and I don’t think there would be Any disagreement in that regard;

Volver, like most of previous works of Almodovar is visually enchanting and women, and particularly mothers, play a key role in it. But what is particular to this movie is the exaggerated depth of this central role and the fact that even a few men who exist in the plot are far from good! They are irritatingly nasty or in the best case, completely neutral and excessively useless! and although I don’t quite share his negative view towards men, but I can not possibly hide my deep appreciation for the fantastic image he portrays of women, which is nothing less than a cult-like worshiping ceremony.

In this movie, unlike most of the stereotype portrayal of women, they are seriously independent, impressively in control and totally capable of managing almost impossible situations when they have to. They don’t scream, they don’t freak out or runaway and most importantly, they are absolutely not those typical irrationally-emotional creatures we’ve been culturally trained to envisage them. In contrary, here, one can hardly stop noticing their capacity to suppress their emotions when they need to make a fast yet vital rational decision, very much like real women in the real life.

Another impressive aspect of the movie to me, was Almodovar’s brilliant success to reach the inner and deeper layers of female beauty.

Obviously, a woman has an outer layer of visual beauty which is not so hard to notice but there is a deeper layer which reveals itself as one gets more intimate. The first touch, the first kiss, the first sex, each of the steps opens up a whole dimension of beauty that later on, can be visualized even by the eyes, or in this case by the lens.

I have to admit that I’d never been attracted to Penelope Cruz nor I had ever found her sexy or charming, but during this movie and while Almodovar’s camera is literally making love to her by exploring her forbidden angles and her intimate gestures, it is almost impossible not to notice her exquisite beauty. I may say, he more or less has done to her, what Kubrick did to Nicole Kidman in eyes wide shut.

Apart from that, her stunning performance is not something that can be easily neglected. Also the fact that she speaks in her own language and not with her awkward Spanish accent makes her more attractive and gives her dramatically more self confidence to glow on the scene like never before.

Finally, this emotionally rich and genuinely touching movie, though sometimes too feministic for me, is something to be watched, enjoyed and adored, by all means. A true homage to femininity.

morning tea

Sometimes,
it’s too hard to wake from a dream,

when its taste,
lingers in your mouth
so long,

that your toothpaste doesn’t taste the same
and your morning tea,
gets this wild, forgotten flavor,
for a moment,

when the grass you slept on,
in your dream,
is so fragrant that when you wake,
for a moment,
you can smell it on your pillow,

and you wonder,
for a moment,
why everything
is so gorgeously Green
for a moment,

when the kiss is so sweet,
that when you wash your face,
for a moment
your regretful eyes,
with an inexplicable anger,
and a childish grudge,
follow the water,
who’s washed away the taste of the kiss
from your lips
down to the drain,

when the smoothness of the skin,
under your soft, feathery touch
has spoiled your hands so much,
that the roughness of your wet, silk scarf,
can seriously hurt your hand….
and sometimes it does,
for a moment,

it’s too hard to wake,

not harder than keep up, for sure,
with the fucking alarm of the cell phone,
6:30 sharp, on a cold snowy Sunday,
that passes through your pillow
you’re desperately pressing on your face!

and neglecting the begging of your poor bladder,
bursting with champagne and scotch,

but harder than most of things
in life,
which are harder
than living,

though waking up
is the worst part of a dream,
but the best part of being awake,
is you can end up,
with a dream,
Sometimes…

and when the dream’s gone,
in a moment,
life would be so darn great
again,

Sometimes,

A sad day for humanity!

It was hard to believe, even though we all had heard the court’s verdict.

After the long, tedious and unfinished trial of Milosevic, I was expecting a lengthy process of appeals and re-appeals, but today, the news was short and shocking. “Saddam has been executed”

Although I’m firmly against the capital punishment, even for such a ruthless dictator like Saddam, it’s genuinely hard to feel sympathy for one of the darkest figures in the modern history. Even harder for us, Iranians, who have no shortage of first-hand experiences of his merciless killing machine.

I’m not sad that he’s been executed. I’m angry. I’m furious. Angry because he was sentenced to death for a minor fraction of what he was truly responsible for. Because the history was denied from everything he knew and was buried with him forever. Because he died before talking about all who supported him for years, from United Stated and European countries to Russia and Arab leaders of the region, with money, intelligence, weapons, and sadly, by providing him the materials that enabled him to put forward his deadly chemical and biological program.

He died before he was given enough time to think about what he had done to his people, to Iranians and to Kuwaitis and to be honest, death by hanging was a gift to Saddam that relieved him from unquestionable years of pondering in prison. The gift, he was not courageous enough to give himself, the way Hitler and Goebbels generously indulged themselves with.

The day, I watched Saddam’s being brutally humiliated on TV, was one of the best days of my life. The day he got executed, I just feel shocked and betrayed.

He definitively deserved to die, but the humanity deserved much more than that.

Kiss Test

A great commercial

This is priceless!

I love Scandinavians...I really do.

Just think about what happened in United States over a millisecond exposure of Janet Jackson’s breasts and you’re going to have the idea, how far ahead these Danish people are.

Have you noticed any change in the water bill, lately?! :)

Singing in the rain!

I just watched a brilliant movie. I love when I watch a nice movie all alone. When I don’t have to talk to anybody. Where I can simply avoid some useless small talks and my sometimes-quite-pretentious analysis and critics and I can just keep the mood, as long as I want.

This month, I didn’t buy the metro pass and I remembered that I just used my last bus ticket, this morning as was commuting to work.

When you don’t have change or ticket, there’s no way around but walking home. I was not even sure I didn’t have change but even if I did, I was perfectly sure that I wouldn’t spend it on a ticket. Although only today, I’d spend twenty dollars on a heavenly “All you can eat Sushi” lunch, ten dollars for a delicious Rum and chocolate cake and a hot earl grey tea while I was reading my book and waiting for the movie to begin, sixty five dollars on a safety boots that I’m sure I’m never going to use and since I’m still unashamedly using my student card to get the discount, ten dollars for the movie ticket, I was not willing to pay two dollars and fifty cents for the bus ticket or I was just using this inexplicable stinginess to avoid another boring bus ride and enjoy walking in this beautiful, unexpectedly lovely night.

I called my friend to tell him what a fantastic movie I just watched and persuade him to go and see it, or maybe just to see how he feels today. Unlike last night, he was just fine.

I hung up the phone. Kept on smiling, I continued walking. It was nice. Not by Montréal’s standards nice! It was really warm and pleasant. Maybe if I was living in California, I would take this for granted but any Montrealers knows that a warm mid-November night is not something to be missed.

I hate getting wet. I just hate it like a big spoiled cat, but I took off my hat, and bring down my umbrella to enjoy getting wet. As I was twirling my umbrella and deliberately walking into the puddles, I saw my self as Gene Kelly in Singing in the rain. Only that I was not singing in the rain and I was not dancing either. I was just walking in the rain. I was just consciously and joyfully walking in the rain. Just walking.

The only possible way that I can think of to make this magnificent night any better, was if I was in love. Or maybe not. At least now, I have something to fancy about. FANCY! Did I mention that I really do adore using British words?

A funny one

The Third Plan!

As the world’s concerns about Iran’s nuclear program are on the rise, there is an important question to be answered. Is Iran truly looking for nuclear technology for peaceful purposes, like generating electricity, or the ultimate goal behind this mysterious program is nothing but the good old nuclear bomb, as the world suspects? And if they really are moving toward becoming a nuclear state, should the international community, lead by the United States, stop them at any cost, or it is better to let them have the bomb under certain conditions?

The irritating point about the media coverage of the subject so far, has been the blatant destitute of any collateral thinking. Analyzing the possibilities within a rigid framework, overlooking the likelihood of the existence of a third or even more answers to the same question and simply repeating the worn-out talking points again and again, is media’s chronic disease that although is not uniquely confined to this particular case but has been vividly manifested here, to say the least.

As an example for other conceivable scenarios, what if Iranians are not looking for the peaceful nuclear technology, as one may suspect, but they are not looking for the bomb either? What if they are perfectly aware that the geopolitics of the region would not give them the time they need, which according to the experts would be something between five to ten years, but they also know that the world and especially United States are simply not in the position to dictate something quite drastic like the full abandonment of the plan? What if the pragmatic leaders of Iran, which is one thing they have repeatedly proven to be, are just using the whole nuclear issue as a bully for the international community to win the best deal possible, in return to stop the entire process or to reduce it to a fairly less-ambitious program?

Let’s explore first, why the situation of Iran is different and a nuclear Iran is downright out of the question and then see why the world is simply not in a position to impose the consensus to Iran.

First of all, becoming a nuclear state, if not impossible, is much more complicated for Iran than most people may think it would be. There is a missing link in the common analysis that draws parallel between Iran’s case and those of recently-joint, unwelcome new members of the nuclear club, namely North Korea, India and Pakistan.

In the case of India, due to the enormous geopolitical and economical importance of the country in the international scene, it was almost impossible to prevent her from becoming a nuclear state where as in the case of Iran, though by no mean easy, it would be perfectly within the reach of the Security Council’s permanent members. The case of Pakistan is also undeniably linked to the case of India to the extent that analyzing it outside of this context would be ridiculously absurd. In fact, the world’s intentional disregard to Pakistan nuclear program was a well-directed policy, addressing the incapability of the international community to deter India from developing nuclear capability. In other word, a nuclear Pakistan was a necessity for the region’s balance of power to be restored.

For obvious reasons, not only this argument is not valid in the case of Iran, a nuclear Iran would severely unbalance the power structure of the region hence forces the Security Council to do everything in its disposal to prevent the scenario from happening.

The case of North Korea is an exceptionally odd one, makes it completely incomparable to the one of Iran’s. As much as the strange isolation of North Korea, makes any sort of sanctions ineffective, the vibrant economical ties of Iran to the outside world can easily bring Iran to its knees. The majority of Iran’s revenue comes from exporting oil and apart from United States and Israel, Iran has trading ties with almost the rest of the world which makes Iran rather vulnerable and the sanctions quite effective in this case. Not to mention that Iran has no similarity with the information-black hole called North Korea. Where the world has almost no clue about what’s going on inside that country, it is fairly easy to gather any sort of information about Iran hence prevent the formation of the frightening mysterious vacuum of information like the one that surrounds North Korea.

Considering the fact that Iran’s leadership, has managed to successfully overcome the myriad of crisis it has been faced with so far, it is rather naïve to underestimate their vision to foresee this obvious fact that the world, not only united stated, Europe and Israel but also the Arab leaders of the region, would simply not tolerate a Shiite, non-arab nuclear Iran in the middle east.

It is also unrealistic if one wants to consider that a power plant like the one in Boushehr, with capacity of 1000 MW (almost half of Karoon’s hydraulic power plant),in a country so rich in oil and natural gas reserves, is something that any regime would be ready to pay such a hefty price for. Maybe that is the reason why Iran always finds an excuse to interrupt the negotiations, whenever it is getting close to a deal. In fact, it seems that Iran is absolutely not looking for a way to continue the peaceful nuclear activity, or to open up the nuclear power plant or even to keep up enriching uranium in her soil. So what is the real plan?

It seems that what Iran is really looking for, is to persuade the world that she is dangerous enough to be a threat to the international community, and specially to Israel, and also powerful enough to make any sort of confrontational attempt, a massively expensive adventure. Using the scary image, they could negotiate their way to receive a considerable package of incentives, in a situation where bribing Iran would be the most rational as well as economical option and even in the best case scenario, the only option available for United States and the allies. For that matter, Iran has a lot of strong cards to play with.

Iran’s elaborate ties to the outside world, though an Achilles foot in one way; is a week point for the international community as well. Extensive investments of Europeans and Asians in Iran’s industries as well as in energy sector, creates a considerably complicated dilemma that cannot be solved without an enormous price to be paid. The sanctions imposed by United States which keeps the American companies out of the competition, creates such a delicious feast for the Europeans, Chinese, Korean and even Malaysians that would make the sanction as painful for them as it would be for Iran. Not to forget that Russia, alongside with China, has a profitable monopoly over Iran’s military deals that forces Kremlin to think twice before agreeing to any sort of sanction that could deprive the Russian’s desperately-in-need-of-cash military industry from Iran’s competitor-less! market.

Another strong card in the hand of Iran’s leadership is the fact the country is supplying a good portion of the worlds, and especially India and china’s need to crude oil and natural gas. Replacing this gigantic supplier of energy not only seems to be impossible, the process on the oil prices hence on the world’s economy can be downright disastrous and it the present situation where another major producer, Iraq, is unlikely to be able to reclaim its position in the oil market anytime soon, it’s highly unlikely if India and China with such oil-thirsty economies, would fall for such a risky decision that could bring catastrophic outcomes to their vulnerable economies.

Next card would be Iran’s recently-boosted influence on the region, in Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon and Palestine. Considering the direct involvement of America as well as England in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the proximity of Lebanon and Gaza to Israel, any sort of stimulation introduced by Iran or the groups supported by Iran can lead to dangerous situations that could literally endanger lives of American and British soldiers as well as Israeli’s soldiers and civilians.

Another stronghold of Iran is the calculatedly widely-distributed and well-protected nuclear sites throughout a vast country that turns any military plan into an extremely complicated one, certainly far from a safe and causality-proof mission and totally different to Israel’s spotless air strike on heavily-concentrated and unwisely-unprotected nuclear facilities of Saddam, near Baghdad in 1981.

Last card, but absolutely not least is the fact that Iran’s leadership, as well as almost anybody else in the politics, are perfectly aware of the badly-reduced, overstretched US’s military power. In other word, although America always states that the military option is on the table; both sides know that it’s not really an option to be considered.

Add to this, Iran’s military power. Although obviously not as strong as to be able to withstand United States army, strong enough to inflict serious damages to US’s interests in the region.

The above-mentioned analogy, justifies Iran’s leaders sharp and seemingly irrational rhetoric with regard to Israel, their irritating disobedient from the security council’s resolutions and their obvious unwillingness toward any political solution, trying to facilitate Iran’s access to peaceful nuclear technology. Otherwise, how anyone could possibly explain Iran’s leaders demagoguery, attracting so much attention to Iran’s hostility toward Israel and defiance to United States, if what they really need is a calm, attention-free environment where they can pursue a secret military plan under the cover of a civilian reactor?

Iran is aware that the world is absolutely determined to prevent her from becoming a nuclear state. They know that Israel already has an elaborate plan and the military capability as well, to finish the job if the situation appears to be critical and they will consider to do it alone if the rest of the world shies away, but Iran also knows that such procedure would be massively costly for the international community. In fact, expensive enough to justify paying a massive bribe to Iran just to avoid the confrontation. The bribe could be an amalgam of subjects; from lifting the sanctions to the securing the future of the regime from any possible threat from the outsides. The intentional efforts of Iran’s rulers to cultivate the Iran-o-phobia among western nations as well as Israel, is only logically explainable if it is to be a well-tailored political gesture to raise the final price of the deal to the highest level possible. A quite common scene in every haggle where one side is a Middle Easterner!

Considering the seemingly unsolvable catastrophe of Iraq, it would not be surprising if a defying, rebellious Iran would give up her nuclear ambitions right before US’s presidential election and all of a sudden justifies the whole Neo-Cons’s pre-emptive adventure in the Middle East.

And on the other side, since Iran’s leaders has repeatedly announced that they are not pursing a military plan and a nuclear war head is absolutely not what they are looking for, there would not be any need for the gesture to be explained or justified for Iran’s public.

After all, if it happens it wouldn’t be the first time, Islamic republic of Iran helping republicans win an election.

4 years old drummer!

The little boy was reading the magazine passionately, while his father was buying a pack of cigarettes. The boy asked his father if he could buy the magazine for him. The father looked at him as he was paying for the cigarettes and responded that he didn’t have enough money with him.

Although it happened years ago, I still can remember the lingering gaze of the boy to that magazine as they were walking away, as well as his father’s confident voice, assuring that there was really no more money for the magazine and I mostly do remember the scene whenever I hear one of the world’s leaders, justifying why they should cut the budget for all the good things in the world, just because there’s not enough money!

I know it cost billions to fund education and health care, to protect the environment or to go on with medical researches, but does anybody have any idea, how much we spend annually on arms and ammunition?

If you think you know and it’s a boring subject, well at least you can take a guess, can’t you?

Did any body come up with 1.4 trillion dollars a year?! Unbelievable ha?

Yet somehow, we can always come up with the money for the cigarettes!

Long live Wilem....Long live Pronto

Pronto is amazing. The new invention by a South African called Wilem Van Rensburg, a brand new condom that you can put it on, in only 3 seconds! No messy oily sheets, no pathetic struggle with the stubborn wrapping, using your teeth and last but not least, no finding the right side in the dark using the dim light of your cell phone!

Any guy who’s used condoms in his life would realize that it’s much more important step for man kind than landing on the moon or coming up with the big-bang theory or discovering the black holes! After all, how many black holes we have to deal with in our daily lives?! (and I mean a real black hole not the metaphoric ones!)

And the painful thing is that I had the idea about 10 years ago but as usual, I didn’t take myself seriously. Now the guy is a millionaire and I should be just a happy, relieved consumer!

And in a country like South Africa which has the World’s biggest rate of HIV infections, he’s not only going to be a millionaire, but a hero as well. I think that he absolutely deserves it!

When was the last time you were in such a good mood?