The Miracle of Plastic Shoes

I was about to forgive the Flip-flops for the disaster they were; only out of respect to the shear number of beautiful feet- and their corresponding legs- they carried through out these past couple of years; that suddenly another catastrophe of taste hit the market…Plastic shoes!

I’m still trying to digest the ingenuity of the marketing gurus who forced women all around the globe to match their carefully picked clothes with those blue and green rubber crap which less than a year ago, according to Bill Maher, “Only pre-schoolers and mental patients would wear!”

But on the other hand, what should we wear considering the kind of music we listen to, the sort of movie we watch, the taste of food we eat and the style of houses we inhabit?!

I mean, character-less apartments with windows facing some concrete walls, McDonald’s double cheeseburger, Hip-hop so called music and Transformers and pirate of Caribbean as entertainments! What could have possibly come next?! Well, Plastic shoes…maybe!

2 Days in Paris

An American guy walks around Paris with his lover who happens to be an activist-type intellectual French girl. The girl is played by Julie Delpy and guess what?! She owns a chubby cat!

You might say: “I’ve seen this film before”. But no, you’d be wrong. The movie is not Before sunset and to my big surprise -and despite those general similarities- it is fundamentally different!

2 Days in Paris , written and directed - and played, and edited and co-produced and on and on and on - by Julie Delpy, is the story of a couple -Marion (Julie Delpy) and Jack (Adam Goldberg whom if you’re a big fan of Friends, you might recall him as Chandler’s freak roommate, Eddie!- who decide to finish up their trip to Venice by staying in Paris for two days, on their way back home to New York.

2 Days in Paris is cleverly hilarious. Characters are well-created and well-acted and awfully real (Well, what would you expect?! Her parents in the movie are her real parents) and while sometime they’re not as charming as you would expect- occasionally to the point of being disgustingly annoying (depends on your tolerance for eccentricity) they’re, most of the time, quite adorable and almost always preciously unique.

The cinematography is ingenious and from time-to-time, even kind of cute (especially the flashback scenes to Marion’s childhood) besides, she has skillfully managed to incorporate the profession of the girl and the obsession of the guy, photography, as well as the mood of the characters, into the visual texture of movie. Even more, it deliberately conveys the mood of a family video, recorded by a camcorder and thus perfectly compliments the title.

Comparing it to Before Sunset – which seems like an almost inevitable temptation – 2 days in Paris is a rather realistic portrayal of a relationship and of a city, to the dream-like mood of before sunset (and its prequel, Before Sunrise). Adam Goldberg - unlike the always cute, always adorable Ethan Hawke – is a germ-freak, grumpy, jealous nagger and Julie Delpy, is a flirtatious, slightly sluttish and rather self-centered character that you would well expect from that free-spirited Celine to be in the real life!

The relationship itself is not a fairytale-type love-at-first-sight either. Instead, two people who are far from perfect and trying – and believe me, trying really hard – to get through some serious rough patches in their relationship.

The strictly realistic soul of this film even stretches to the portrayal of the city. Here, Paris is not the calm and beautiful city of love where all her citizens are well-dressed, energetic and are holding hands in cute cafés but a crowded metropolitan – though one of the most stunning one in the world- with some real people among which, you could bump up to almost anybody, from total freaks to real idiots and racists.

This Paris, and particularly if you don’t know French, can be intimidating, unfriendly and tremendously far from the glittering reflection of Notre-dame sur la Seine!

I admire Julie Delpy for having the originality and the courage of ridiculing, so brusquely in fact, the stereotype of stupid American versus civilized French. While she is not defending Americans at all, she repeatedly demonstrates to those who still hold the fictional perception of Parisians that ordinary citizens of Paris could be as – if not more - bigot, stupid, misogynist and vulgar as any ordinary American.

Finally, 2 days in Paris, is a solid, witty and impressively stylish movie that makes you laugh quite frequently and makes you ponder almost as frequent, if not more. It’s a movie to enjoy and to watch over and over again. Well done Julie.

Praying…The gravest delusion of all

Though the idea of praying, to be a virtue on top of being effective, has been constantly injected to our poor brains, do we have any activity in the world, more egoistic and megalomaniacal than praying?!

Let’s, for the sake of the argument, assume that God does exist. He (or she) is at least, relatively fair and mildly just and besides, just for the sake of the argument, this hypothetical God has enough time and interest to listen to your pray.

Aren’t you expecting the same God, who, as you’re praying, doesn’t care about thousands of people being savagely killed, brutally tortured and viciously raped, all over the world, aren’t you expecting the very same God to actually care about your relatively trivial demand?!

Aren’t we implicitly, at least, implying that “I know God doesn’t give a shit about thousands of innocent children, dying from hunger or diseases as preventable as diarrhea, as we pray, but he will surely understand how important this interview is for me!”?! or, “I know that she didn’t find appropriate to intervene to save millions of innocents from being murdered in death camps and Gulags, but she will definitely buckle the laws of probability to give me a Full-house! after all, I am so freaking special, am I not?!”

Seriously guys, if God had a waiting room accompanied with a shred of decency and you were in that room, giving yourself any number below one billion or something; unless you were or one of your beloved was suffering from a horrendous terminal disease; one should eventually conclude that you would either suffer from an advanced case of acute megalomania, or you shouldn't have the slightest clue about what the hell is going on in the world and the fact that millions of others share the condition with you wouldn’t make it any less contemptible.

Next time you decided begging your God, just imagine for a second: if you were God, how high the priority of what you’re going ask could have been to you. If you still believe that you deserve to be heard immediately, well, go ahead then!

A hilarious rant by the great George Carlin

List of the people who ought to be killed...Starting with these people who read self help books…why do so many people need help?! Life is not that complicated. You get up, you go to work, eat three meals, you take one good shit and you go back to bed. What’s the fucking mystery?!

And the part I really don’t understand, if you’re looking for self help, why would you read a book, written by somebody else?! That’s not self help, that’s help!

There’s no such a thing as self help…if you did it yourself, you didn’t need help. You did it yourself!

George Carlin

A sad waltz,

OOM;

They’re called, respectively,
a cubicle and a urinal,
the wall-less booth where we work and the door-less loo where we pee,

In our adorable society,
that’s the extent we are to share,

The content of our monitors,
the short film of our urinations,
with its lovely soundtrack,
and its wobbly ending,
and couple of useless info, on some on-line social networks

PAPA;

In an awfully springy, mildly rainy day
a share of her glittering eyes, a share of her dazzling smile,
her radiant tone of skin and the lightness of her moves,
the music of her voice and the cuteness of her shoes,
became mine,

OOM;

I wish you could share your lips,
with me,
and I could share my dreams
with you,

but your lips are already taken,
and there’s a mildly sinister fairy,
that every single night
steals my dreams away,

Every single night,
Every single night

They keep on burying our dead
They keep on planting their bones in the ground
But they won't grow
The sun doesn't help
The rain doesn't help
And all we've got is a giant crop of names
And dates


Lacrimosa
Regina Spektor

Go Iraq Go

Let us start with this question: “What is a credible scientific theory?”

In general, a scientific theory should be able to precisely explain the observations and experiments and make plausible predictions about the still unknown or undiscovered phenomenon.

It will surely gain strength and validity when future proves the prophecies to be true and inevitably lose it when tomorrow demonstrates otherwise.

Holding the above-mentioned definition, it seems somehow convincing what Nassim Taleb’s elaborately explained in his book “The Black Swan”, and I’m paraphrasing, in some fields of studies, subjects are so extremely influenced by pure random that it is strange we still hold their models as “scientific models” although they have been proven to be dead-wrong for times and times again!

Examples?! Well, economy and political science for instance.

No economist has ever managed to successfully and accurately predict, for example, a market crash or anything as bold as that. Very much like a fortuneteller, they confidently tell you many things, which could be plausible, but you have absolutely no idea which one to believe, whatsoever!

In political science, in almost every given subject, the range of predictions are so wide and usually contradicting that although eventually one of those prophecies should prevail (because they cover every possible scenarios), but the science in general seems to be impossible to rely on.

One wonders that how many times a theory should fail to be deemed as a horrendous one!

A very recent example was the outcome of the invasion of Iraq. Some predicted it to be a bad mistake with catastrophic results and some other, the beginning of a prosperous and democratic middle east!

Though the future proved to be much closer to the League of Arab nation’s secretary general, Amr Moussa, who announced, “The invasion of Iraq will open up the hell’s gate” than some of the well-known Washington’s think tanks, it was surprisingly not the end of the story.

The same well educated, handsomely paid, so-called “specialists” who got almost every predictions wrong, are still proposing theories about the outcome of a sudden or a gradual withdrawal of the US forces from Iraq as if their words are any more credible now as it was four years ago!

Now in this chaos, allow me to make a prediction! Who knows, maybe I can be a better political analyst than those educated in Harvard and Princeton! :)

Iraq’s football team is in the Asian cup’s semi-final. They are two matches away from becoming the champion of Asia for the first time.

Apart from the Americans whose their “Cricket for dummies” and “Rugby for Sissy’s” never allowed them to discover the-larger-than-life capacity of football, everybody in the rest of the world is aware of the potentials of this Not-Just-A-Game’s social phenomenon. So as ridiculous as it sounds, if this happens, the unity that the glorious national achievement would most probably create, would provide such a golden opportunity that I seriously doubt any surge or Washington-made plan could ever offer.

Let us cross our fingers for Iraq’s championship in Asian Cup and also, for the incompetent crowd in Washington and their counterparts in Baghdad, not to ruin it by using their miraculous talent of fucking up the opportunities!

Go Iraq Go

Painting Blues!

ONCE

Once, there was a musical which was even better than “everybody says I love you”, even for a Woody Allen fanatic such as myself.

Once there was a movie that you would rush to HMV to by its soundtrack, the morning after, even if it was Saturday.

Once there was a romance, so real, so believable that you would miss being in love.

Once there was a story, so tremendously simple yet not at all oversimplified.

Once, the glamour was in their eyes, in their laughter and in their voices, not in what they wore or where they lived.

Once, the girl shouldn’t have to be gorgeous to be adorable, and the cuteness of the guy was not in his posh British accent.

Once, one could really enjoy a fabulous romance without being bothered by cheesy jokes and stupid, predictable accidents

Once,

Please, go watch this movie on the screen, buy the soundtrack and let the movie industry realizes that at the time where the Grind House is supposed to be the Art house, sexual exploitation is deemed to be cool, watching torture is called entertainment and where a bunch of computer generated images glued together, do not need a story line at all whatsoever to become a financially successful film, there are still a few people out there who can appreciate a good film and will pay to see it. Let them know that unlike what they think, we’re not AT THE WORLD’S END! Not yet!

Paris, je t'aime

Finally and after a delay of almost a year, “Paris Je t’aime”; a combination of eighteen short films by eighteen directors, each representing an arrondissement of Paris; arrived to the world’s third largest French speaking city! (Naturally, It had been planned to be twenty films but it was decided not to include two of them which were those about 11th and 15th arrondissement)

For entrée I have to say that as one might expect quite rightfully, here, homogeneity wouldn’t be the quality to be looking for, facing with such a broad spectrum of writer/directors and actors, each having a different first-hand experience and hence different view toward the subject and that is exactly the one issue one should make peace with to be able to enjoy this movie.

Talking about each episode individually, I truly enjoyed the dreamlike and sarcastic episode of “Tuileries” by "Coen" brothers which was to me, by far the best episode of this collection. The sharp contrast between the surreal nature of what an American tourist, sitting in the Tuilerie’s Metro station is experiencing and what the travel book in his hands suggests, creates such a comic, disturbing, and nightmarish ambience that screams the signature of the genius brothers on it.

The cleverly named “Loin du 16eme” by "Walter Salles", is also a strong piece, poetically dealing with a wide range of social subjects in such a short window of time, analyzing the differences and similarities between the well-rooted French bourgeoisie and the recently-arrived-immigrant-class, in a brilliantly visual/aural and totally non-verbal way.

In contrary, “14th arrondissement” by “Alexander Payne”, is nothing but verbal. A working-class, lonely, middle age, American woman who walks around Paris while explaining her rather pathetic and boring life in French with a terribly funny American accent, pretty much like reading her diary out loud. A marvelous attempt to discover the beautiful details of the seemingly tedious and uninteresting life of the mediocre majority.

Another favorite of mine was “Faubourg Saint-Denis” by “Tom Tykwer”, a stylish and adorable tale of romance between a blind Frenchman and an American acting student, played by my beloved actress, the sweet and beautiful “Natalie Portman” whose exquisite beauty, to my biggest surprise, was far less dazzling to me ever since I’ve met that heavenly charming waitress in one of the best bistros of Montreal.

On the other hand, considering “Paris Je t’aime” as a whole, which is clearly the original intent behind this body of works and has been evidently reflected in the way it has been edited, it was a remarkably satisfying experience, well worth the 10 dollars. It is not everyday that one can live such a wide range of contrasting emotions in less than two hours, an occasion absolutely not to be missed.

Beside, it is truly pleasing to see all those well-known actors and actresses together in one film which is anything other than ocean “10+n” (in which “n” goes from one to, apparently and unfortunately, eternity!)

Finally, this was one of the few occasions that this unique city had the opportunity to be represented realistically, not by those overwhelmed by her beauty or those who sell the nauseating city-of-love-crap but by artists who are able to love the beautiful Paris, despite her weaknesses, quite like a faithful partner in a long-term relationship.

George carlin

Watch these George Carlin's Stand up. it's as bitter as it's funny and it's dark as it's humurous

Welcome to the Future

Women In Art

I suppose it is among the best ways for spending 3 minutes of your time. Enjoy

Waitress

Every time I read a poem by “Forough” I thought “You can have absolutely no idea who wrote this poem but still bet your life that the poet certainly was a woman”. Adrienne Shelly’s Waitress is one of those few examples, impossible for a man to be the creator of.

A humble, honest, low-budget but impressively stylish film, a romantic satire (the genre “romantic comedy” was previously hijacked by the bulk of senseless, stupid blockbusters so I’m not going to abuse this great movie by assigning it to that notorious genre) about a simple girl called Jenna (marvelously played by stunningly beautiful Keri Russell who remarkably looks like Nicole Kidman but a bit cuter and a lot warmer!) working as a waitress in a modest Pie Shop in a small city. Jenna is not just a waitress but in fact, is the brain behind all those twenty something variety of the pies on the menu as well as a new Pie-of-the-day she creates every single day, inspired by daily events in her rather miserable life.

Although we do not have the privilege of tasting any of those seemingly appetizing pies that take the centerpiece of this film, we actually don’t need to. The movie has been made so deliciously beautiful and so delightfully witty that I doubt it would be any less tasteful than any of those scrumptious pies would possibly taste like.

Apart from the style, Waitress is also truly earthy and surprisingly non-judgmental piece of work. Where almost every character in the story leads a stupendously boring and somehow pitiful life, it is considered absolutely no one’s fault. Even the darkest character of the film which is Jenna’s controlling and rather crazy husband, whom is a big inspiration for quite a lot of pies indeed, is much more pathetic than sinister.

More interestingly, Shelly portrays her main character as a girl who cheats on her husband with her married gynecologist while she is pregnant with the baby she genuinely hates while stunningly does not let the audience judge Jenna, even for a split of a second.

In fact, I’ve encountered a few stories in which one could understand and connect to all characters this easily, as eating a piece of pie!

Finally, for the bitter-sweet this movie was, I would found the ending a little too perfectly sweet for my taste, but giving the bitter ending of the brilliant and talented writer/director of this splendid film, I’m afraid to say that in general, all has been too ironically balanced!

Adrienne Shelly might not share Forough Farokhzad’s distressingly bitter views of the world, quite contrary her movie is filled with hope and optimism, but they surly shared the same tragic destiny indeed, when their fruitful lives come to an end, much too quickly.

As tragic as it is, she left the scene with an intimate, clever, giftedly crafted movie which guaranties that she would be missed, even by those who never knew her in person, such as me.

Rest in piece girl...

Do they really have to make lawnmowers,
so noisy?!
or they’re just so loud,
to mask the scream of those beautiful yellow flowers,
we always take for granted,
cause they are as free,
as they’re beautiful?

Baby laughing at the Wii

Beleive me, this baby got it...wii certainly is this good

3 IkeaTidy Up Commercials

A preciously hilarious hidden camera from Montreal’s Just for Laugh Festival...

Dutch Ad Funny!

That's what I call "the art of the commercial making"

that's just brilliant